Shocked! Sorrowful! Angry! Enraged! Sad! Sorrowful!

All these feelings hit me in succession, in the first 12 hours upon hearing the news of the murder, and then the suicide!

I am Emanuel Boder, 21 years of age, and “born and bred” in The Family! I was born, in Santiago, Chile, as the second eldest of my family, and in my earlier childhood was raised in South America, Europe and India! My Mom and Dad were missionaries and taught me and my sisters to “Love God and our neighbor as ourselves.” Somewhere around the age of 11 my family, which now was comprised of 5 kids, moved to Africa! We grew very fond of the peoples, cultures and lands there and often made “pioneer” journeys to “darker Africa”! When I reached the age of 15 I began visiting other missionary stations around Southern Africa until I was 17.

It was at this time that I grew weary of the lifestyle of being a missionary, which meant giving your time and energies completely over to helping other people! A lifestyle where selfishness and self-centeredness are two things you got to give up!

At 17 I had lived in 4 continents and near to 35 countries! I had traveled like some only dream of traveling in an entire lifespan! I had experienced life through the eyes of other cultures and religions! I had been educated in “real-to-life” circumstances all my life! All while being a simple missionary for Christ!

But there came that time where I wanted no more of it. I wanted to settle down, get a job, make money, and live a “normal” life!

So for the next while I studied to become a Concert Technician, and I was real darn good at it! Soon I was working for a music company that would host the technical aspects of concerts that took place in the city! I had a team of 6 guys working with me, and in my opinion we were the best! Well, after doing this for a while, as well as working small-time jobs in supermarkets and fast food joints, I had built a pretty “stable” environment around myself … only myself.

Again I began thinking about my prior lifestyle and wished for the simplicity and straightforwardness that that life had! Here, where I was living for myself and money, things were so complicated and, well, twisted. There was corruption and confusion everywhere I looked. One of my co-workers did not even know what he was doing on planet Earth! I wanted to reach out to them like I had done for so many before, and how my parents had taught me, but I felt weak as well, and spiritless! Instead of helping them have hope and a reason to live, I was now in there with them and was beginning to lose faith myself!

Soon after this I reached a spot where I cried out to God and begged Him to clear things up and point me to the right direction! I knew that I had forsaken His work and I asked Him to give me the strength to change my selfish mindset, which was devouring me!

I knew I had to make a choice, something definite. So I promised my King and Savior that I would leave all behind and return to His work. About three weeks after that, I was on my way by plane to Poland, to join up with some other missionary friends! I was back in the game!

Since then I have never looked back. I know what I am giving my life for and I am exceedingly proud of it! I have devoted my life to helping other people both physically and spiritually in any way I can, and I deem serving my fellow man as the highest ranking job on the globe!

I and my fiancé are presently residing in the Czech Republic, working here as volunteer workers, helping with humanitarian aid shipments to needy institutions and such! We are expecting our first child sometime around mid-August and are planning a near-in-the-future move to Africa, where we will continue to live to serve to the best of our ability!

Now to come to the reason why I am even bothering to write this; that being the deeply saddening event that took place on the night of the 8th of this month, I walked into our bedroom and found my fiancé sitting on the bed with a very stone-faced expression on her face. She began to unfold the “news” to me in monotone. I just stood there listening, not saying a word, until the first thing I said was “Are you sure?” I was shocked! Then I felt full of utter sorrow for the victim! I never knew her personally, but I knew of her and knew that she was loved by many more than just a few! I pray for her family and relatives that God gives them forgiveness and grace!

Than anger came as I thought of the psycho who committed this terrible crime! I wondered what was going through his head when he took this life, a life that was NOT his to take, no matter what his excuse! I thought he must have been frustrated, perhaps angry, or maybe just really, really pissed off, but what about?

I never met Ricky (Davidito), but every one of my generation knew about him! I do not think very highly of him at all. So saying I rarely even think of him.

I heard how he had left The Family and how he had demanded financial assistance from his mother, Karen Zerby (Queen Maria), as well as how he had received ample financial assistance from her. Than there were his death threats that he made towards her and her husband. I still don’t get why the police did nothing about this murderer-waiting-to-happen scenario. He was psycho in the very real sense of the word. I was enraged! He had had everything dished to him on a silver platter in The Family and was taken in by David Berg as his son. He was loved and looked up to by the entire Family. He says that all he wanted was love? It’s like me yanking the AC cable of my TV out of the socket, and then plumping myself on the couch and yelling out “All I want is to watch MTV.” Just really strange!

He says he was abused, and I say I am Zeus! He says he was molested, and I say I am the Fairy Queen Mother! Where is the proof! That is one thing I could never stand, people who cannot prove their point! Anything from God and His Word I can take by faith! But, man, if you are going to accuse someone of a crime like child abuse, you better have some God d**n proof of it. If not shut up till you do!

I grew up in this so-called “sex cult” and I never was sexually abused, in any way, shape or form. I never knew anyone who was.

However my fiancé was a victim of the Gestapo-like raids that took place in Melbourne and Sydney, Australia, by people who were beating the same dead horse that Ricky Rodriguez was beating, and one that his confidants are still beating—child abuse and molestation. She was a nine year old kid, torn away from her parents and then placed literally in the hands of total strangers who performed every imaginable, and unimaginable, “examination” on her! When she tells me of how they strip-searched her and than laid her on a table and proceeded to repeatedly jab their fingers “into” her, to verify her virginity, all the while looking on with gloating expressions, and then I hear these adult ex-members drawling on with all their sob stories of how they saw their nannies breasts and therefore they want to kill so-and-so for justice sake, I am appalled! Hello … get real! You might as well say that every motherstep-motherchild caretaker etc… who washes their child’s genitals, and thereby “fondles” them, is guilty of child abuse. What a joke!

I have read internet articles from Ricky, and the sort he confides in, where he states how he wants to “rescue” the rest of us! Reality check: We are not the ones who murder 51 year old women for absolutely no reason, we are not the ones making hate videos where we portray ourselves as maniacs, swearing to kill out of “justice.” I think it would be safe to say that people like Ricky are the ones who need to be rescued, and not us! “Those that live by the sword shall die by the sword.”

After the initial shock, I thought about the awful feeling he, Ricky, must have been feeling after he “did-the-deed.” I feel like crying every time I think about the hurt he must have felt upon having taken another life, the utter grief of mind, body and soul, enough to end his own life. I send my condolences to his ex-wife, and pray that she can overcome her grief, and that she will not hold this against The Family, nor against God.

I can only hope that the fear of God will rest in everyone’s souls, and that we can all move on with our lives. I also sincerely hope that all those who feel as Ricky felt, and who feel in any way hurt by the past, will be able to get over it and get on with their lives.

May God have mercy on us all!
Emanuel Boder
leozeth21@yahoo.com

Emanuel Boder is a second generation member of the Family International, currently residing in the Czech Republic.