Not long after the devastating, destructive Tsunami waves had washed over and destroyed much of the coasts of Asia, there were reports of looting and raping rampages in the affected areas by those who saw the devastation as an opportunity to perpetrate their own interests. I believe this situation echoes what we in the Family are now facing.

What happened to Angela and Ricky is a tragedy that has affected me and ones I love. It’s hard enough to deal with what happened on its own, but it seems there’s more that has to be dealt with, mainly because of those who intend to capitalize on this situation and use it to further their interests. Those interests being to destroy the Family and the life that I’ve grown up in and love. Frankly, it infuriates me. We are the victims of this tragedy, we are the ones who have been affected by it. Now we are accused as the guilty party and forced to deal with issues that have already been resolved but apparently not forgotten.

I also knew Angela. I remember her from when she lived nearby when I was younger. The main thing I remember about her was one occasion when I was about nine years old. There was a party at our Home, it wasn’t a party centered around kids, I think my sister and I were the only kids there. It was the usual adult affair, people standing around talking about boring adult things, and dancing. The only reason that party still stands out in my mind was because Angela spent about an hour dancing with me. She could have been socializing with intelligent adults or dancing with a man her own age, but instead she hung out with me in the corner of the room, copying my ridiculous nine-year old dance moves. That’s the kind of person she was.

I’d like to hang on to that memory of her. I’d like to remember her as the adorable, five-foot nothing, bubbly, playful, loving person that she was. I’d like to hear a little more tribute to that wonderful woman. Instead, what I’m hearing is horrible accusations and completely false charges against her. Her death and the way she died is being excused and in some cases even applauded. She’s being made out to be the villain, and the one who killed her the victim. I can’t even imagine what her family and close friends are going through right now. I can’t imagine what kind of emotions Ricky’s mother and family are having to grapple with. I would think that anyone with a little human decency would allow some time for the relatives involved to grieve and deal with this situation, and maybe look a little deeper into the facts before flinging the false accusations. I would think the media would be a little more interested in seeking out and presenting the truth and perhaps checking their information sources before printing some of the things they’ve printed.

Oh, not only that, but suddenly the old abuse charge raises its head again. Never mind that the Family has been proven innocent on this charge in court case after court case, never mind that anyone in the Family today will tell you that abuse simply does not exist in our Homes, never mind that children in the Family are happy, well-adjusted, and educated. Some people just can’t kick the habit of beating the dead horse, can they? Let me get this straight; a former member of the Family premeditates a murder on another former member of the Family, he kills her in a violent and brutal way, then kills himself. This somehow proves that the Family is riddled with child abuse and is an unsafe environment for children. Did I get it right?

I’m not going to go into proving that what Ricky did has nothing to do with his upbringing, how he made his own choices, how Angela never abused him, etc. The facts are there if you’re looking for them, from people that knew both Ricky and Angela and had lived with them for years. I’m going to my write defense to my upbringing and lifestyle as a member of the Family, since that’s what’s being attacked. I wish I didn’t have to, I wish I could just grieve Angela and Ricky’s deaths and not have to dwell on these totally unfounded accusations which have nothing to do with this recent tragedy, but I can’t stay silent while my way of life gets slandered. If you’re intent on stabbing me you’re not going to stab me in the back, you’re going to do it looking at me in the eye.

My name is Julia, I’m seventeen years old and I’ve been in the Family my whole life. I consider myself an educated and voluntary member of the Family. Even though I was born into it, staying in it is my choice. I recently finished my high school education and now work full-time at an office where we provide many services to the Family. I mainly do layout and design, but also editing, mailing, and phone answering. I live in a Family Home with around 25 people, I witness on the weekends and get one day off every week. My situation is a bit different from many other young people as my job requires more time spent behind a desk than your average Family young person, but I chose this ministry and I enjoy what I do. Never once have I encountered any form of child abuse in the Family.

I’ve lived in larger Family Homes for most of my life, I was schooled at home with groups of children my own age for much of my childhood, I saw my parents every day, spent a whole day with them every week, was required to get exercise, participated in witnessing and performing shows, had chores, went on road trips, excursions, etc. I was your typical Family child. Although I’ve lived in the States most of my life, my parents gave me opportunity to experience other countries as well. When I was nine, I stayed at a Family home in Brazil for three months, had a blast, loved Brazil. When I was eleven, I visited a Family home in Nepal for four months, had a blast, loved Nepal. I’ve also taken many road trips and missionary trips to Mexico over the years. And I’m on the lower end of life experiences and travels compared to pretty much any other Family young person.

In my current situation I get to be involved in projects I consider fulfilling and exciting. I get to see my work in print, I hear positive feedback on it. I am allowed creative liberty in much of what I do, I receive good training, my suggestions are taken seriously, my talents are put to good use. I know that what I do counts for something important, I get to witness through my work. I get plenty of fellowship with people my own age, I live with my best friend, I have people to run to at all hours whenever I need any kind of help: emotional, physical or otherwise. All my needs are provided for. If I had an inkling to visit Africa, Moscow, Cambodia, or anywhere else where’s there’s a Family Home, I would be allowed to visit, and the trip wouldn’t even count as my vacation. I doubt many 17 year olds anywhere else in the world could say the same. If I decided I wanted to do something else, such as move to Madagascar to do missionary work, or leave the Family and go to college, I would receive allowance and help to do so.

I suppose, however, that looked at in the proper light (or perhaps lack of light), my life could be a testimony of abuse and neglect. I’m sure if I really tried, I could twist and distort the happy memory that is my life into something horrible. I could start thinking of all the marvelous opportunities I was given as a child as things that deprived me of a normal childhood. I could start looking at all the adults who poured so much of their time, attention and care into me as negligent, abusive individuals. I could accuse my parents of not educating me properly by not sending me to public school and instead giving me a more than adequate education at home. I could cry “censorship, deprivation, and manipulation” because I’m not allowed to practice witchcraft, watch pornography, smoke or talk about killing people. I’m sure if I really wanted to, I could come up with repressed memory syndrome and start plucking “memories” of abuse out of my imagination and convince myself they’re real. It must be pretty easy, Daniel Roselle and others like him have seemed to have already paved the way for me in that department.

It depends, I suppose, on what your definition of abuse is. Am I abused because I was spanked as a child? To my memory, I can only remember being spanked one specific time, it may have been more, but if it was excessive or excruciatingly painful I’m sure I would have remembered. The one time I can remember being spanked, I deserved it, I was screaming and throwing a temper tantrum. I got a few swats, then a great big hug, and words of love and encouragement, and then that was that and I went back to my toys. Abuse? I didn’t think so then and I don’t think so now. If you have kids and consider that abuse, I would not want to meet your kids.

There are kids in my Home right now, mostly the baby and toddler age. I’m friends with their parents, some who are first-generation adults and some second-generation. I see these families every single day and I watch their kids fairly frequently, sometimes with the parents, and sometimes on my own. We live in fairly close quarters, and if these parents were abusing their kids, I’m pretty sure there would be some indication of it. It’s kind of hard to hide something from 25 people with whom you live every day of your life with. I’m happy to say I have seen absolutely nothing that would hint that there is anything harmful, illegal or hurtful happening to these kids. If you don’t believe that you’ll have to call me a liar.

To those who can’t seem to help themselves from making blanket statements about child abuse in the Family, all I can say is this: I’m here, you’re there. I live in the Family, supposedly where this abuse currently runs rampant - you don’t. You can’t tell me that it’s happening right now, all around me, until you prove it to me. Until I see abuse in the Family, nothing you say is going to convince me that the Family is unsafe.

By the way, I’ve been interviewed by the police, by social workers, and by academics, as have many other Family-raised kids all around the world. They didn’t find anything wrong with me or with my upbringing. You would think that our testimony would count for something. You would think that’s the first place people would look for the truth. Instead, it seems to be the sob stories of people who hate us, threaten violence against us and applaud when violent crimes are committed, that are the ones the vast majority and the media seem to latch onto and wave as “the truth".

Sickening.

To those trying to harm the Family; you have hurt, saddened, and infuriated me. If that was your only objective, congratulations, you are a success. If, however, you were trying to scare me, weaken my resolve to be the best Family member I can be, make me doubt the love of my parents, my fellow Family members, or my leaders, cause me to question my upbringing, make me feel inferior, deprived, mindless or deceived, or cause me to question my religious beliefs, I’ve got news for you - you’re not even close.

By what you are trying to do to the Family, you are not weakening us - you are strengthening us. For that, and for nothing else, thank you.

Julia Kelly is a second generation member of the Family International.