I’ve been thinking a lot over the last couple weeks about life and the meaning of it, trying to find some semblance of surety that my existence has counted for something. Because I could have been the innocent woman killed that night, and as things stand now I would have been awfully unprepared. Life isn’t something we can make bets on. It’s a privilege not a guarantee, here today and gone tomorrow, but when tomorrow comes I don’t plan on being ashamed with how I spent my life. I might have wasted the first half floating in lukewarm uncertainty, but I won’t take this attack on my faith and family any longer, enough of hiding my head in the sand and letting others take the rap for their convictions, if it’s the last thing I do, I will speak out.

This isn’t about Angela Smith, the victim, who I did not know, nor is it about Ricky Rodriguez who I met only once several years ago. I don’t feel it’s my place to try to make sense of what happened and why. This is about me and who I am.

I am a Family member.
I am a Professional.
I am not ashamed of my upbringing or my beliefs.
I am proud of my life and how my parents raised me.
I am not a brainwashed robot who spent a deprived childhood in a depraved
religious cult.
I am an individual.
I am a voice. Just one among many, a voice that oddly enough is echoing the same thing our detractors are demanding. JUSTICE.

Not because I’ve been “abused", “horribly neglected", or “wronged” in any way, believe me if I felt I was in anyway mistreated during my life in the Family I would not hesitate to let the world know. I’m not one to suffer in silence.

What I want is justice from a society where a lie gets to print almost instantly while the truth stays shut up in the bottom of a file cabinet somewhere in the editor’s office. What I want is the freedom to say my piece and get the same amount of airtime as those attacking me and my faith. What I want is to wake up in the morning with the satisfaction that I am doing more then most people my age to make the world a better place.

I don’t know every hostile ex-member and their reasons for doing what their doing and frankly I don’t want to, but I do know Daniel Roselle. You see, he’s my brother. I don’t hate him, in fact up until several days ago I was content to have him lead his life and me mine and steer clear of all differences of opinion regarding our lifestyles. But my tolerance is over.

I won’t stand by and see my parents, the most loving people in my world, viciously maligned because of their beliefs. I respect them immensely for giving their lives to raise their kids with morals and values in a world that seems to have lost all such once basic ideals. To me my family is more then just the people you’re forced to grow up with, they’re your life guard, your support system, and the ones who have seen you at your worst and still love you.

Four of my older siblings have left the Family, I love and respect each of them and what their doing in their lives. All I ask of them in return is: let me live my life, love my God, and do my best in what little time I have to change my part of the world. Stop trying to change my mind and shake my convictions. My feet are firmly planted and will not be moved.

I’M A LIVE ONE.

Anita Roselle is a second-generation member of the Family International.