THEIR WORDS DID EFFECT: An Apostate’s Chronicle

Dreams and thoughts eat at my head
A life- sound;
Now dead

A wish
To come undone,
A chance to erase the sorrow caused.

Maligning words spoken
Bitter weeds engraved
Toxic seeds planted
The venom contaminates

Destiny mutated
Revenge and hatred overshadow
A life evolves- roiled

Malignant thoughts eat away
Blighting–till nothing is left unspoiled

Noble plans
Dashed

Innocence
Erased

Paladin turned villain

Lucidity
Deranged

Words propagate
Their poison spread

Demons plague

Two lives dead

–Megumi J. Knoke. -© 2005–

I wrote this poem Jan 10th, immediately after hearing of the tragedy that occurred. This poem was my first impression. I had not intended to write more at the time. However, in light of the consequent biased and negative media coverage, and the many across-the-board sweeping statements made by some antagonistic and disgruntled former members I am compelled to make a statement.

My name is Megumi Joy Knoke. I am 22 years old and a second generation member of the Family International. I am the eldest of 14 children, all of whom were born and raised in and are still a part of the Family International. I live in Japan where I work as a youth counselor and activity coordinator, part time musician, choreographer, teacher, and a co-manager in a missionary center. I am also a member of the national board for Family International teenagers in Japan

What happened is a tragedy. Whatever reasons or excuses Ricky Rodriquez may have had, cannot justify what he did. It is hard for me to conceive that anyone, born and raised in the Family, could be capable of such a horrendous crime. And yet, while it was heartbreaking to hear of two lives ended in such a tragic way, I wasn’t really that shocked. There had been clues.

Ricky had threatened to do something like this before. A closer look at Ricky’s life after leaving the Family and posts from him and others on a vindictive former members’ site, full of abuses and maligning claims made against the Family, leave a trail of clues as to the cause of his hatred, madness, and proclamations of violence towards the Family. He only became like this after extensive contact with a small group of vehement apostates. (See above poem)

I find the bias media coverage this case has received appalling. Reading the news, you would think that Angela Smith was some kind of a villain and Ricky the victim or hero. It is sickening that the respectability of a innocent woman murdered by an obviously deranged man could be so slandered and exploited by the allegations of a few vitriolic apostates who would stoop to the lowest degree to further their cause–which is to assault and smear so much that I love and hold dear; my faith, my family, my friends and colleagues, and my lifestyle. I am reminded of this quote by George Orwell. “Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.” Such are the words of these apostates.

There are those who claim that children and teenagers in the Family are being raised in an abusive environment. Some are even going so far as to imply that any and all children–second and third generation–raised in the Family are growing up in a harmful and abusive environment. A few, including Ricky Rodriquez, have made preposterous and revoltingly outrageous claims which I see no need to repeat. In answer to them I say; I am not, nor was I ever abused! I have lived my entire life in the Family in approximately 20 different Family mission centers in 3 different countries and have visited countless more. My life was not always “perfect,” but I have always lived and continue to live in a Godly, safe, loving, and caring environment. I love my family, the teenagers, children, and people I work with. I know for a fact that there is nothing in the Family that could jeopardize our well being or expose us to abuse.–That is why I am irked by your accusations.

I’ve heard them before. I know parents who were thrown into prison. I have friends who as children were taken away from their parents at gun point, abused by social workers, traumatized, and held in foster homes; all in the name of freeing them from a supposedly abusive environment. I repeat: The Family is NOT an abusive place! It has been proven in court cases around the world time and time again.

No organization is perfect just as no society or human is. There have been mistakes and wrongs made in the past by individuals in the Family, but it is ridiculous to blame the entire Family for the wrongdoing of a few individuals. No person in their right mind would write off or seek to destroy an entire family and their relatives as abusers or criminals because someone(s) from that family committed an abuse or crime. Yet, in effect, that is what these apostates are doing.

The Family has done all it can to rectify the mistakes made by individuals who acted of their own accord. Family leadership has apologized to anyone who was ever hurt or mistreated in anyway, countless times. They have changed policies, made clarifications, and enforced clear rules to guarantee a safe and healthy environment for all its members.

I look at “normal” society today and I see a world rampant with drugs, murder, gangs, suicide, violence, rape, corruption and abuse. I regularly hear of kids murdering kids for senseless and perverted reasons. I’ve met people who have attempted suicide many times because they couldn’t take the pressures of society and being ostracized and harassed by their peers. It’s common knowledge in Japan, that many teenagers prostitute their bodies to older men just so they can have enough money to keep up with the latest fads. –And we’re the ones who need to be rescued??!!

Children in the Family are poured into day and night by those who love and care for them. They spend regular time with their parents. They are taught good morals and communication skills. Creativity is encouraged and easily developed. They’re well educated and socialized.

I would be proud to raise my future children in the Family. In my opinion; the Family is not only a good environment, but the best environment a child could grow up in.

I have relatives and many friends who have left the Family and chosen a different lifestyle. They never tried to get me to leave the Family on the grounds that it is not safe.–These are people who care about my well being. Most of them are making something of their life and I am very happy for them. I know that the Family lifestyle is not for everyone and I respect them for making a decision to move on and do something positive with their lives. They also respect the choice I have made to remain. My support and prayers are with all who have moved on with their lives.

If only one thing good has come of this tragedy, it is that it caused me to again, take stock of my life and ask myself is this really what I want to do? Do I really want to support this cause? Do I really want to live my life in the Family? My conclusion is a resounding YES! I have dedicated my life and will continue dedicate my life to serving Jesus and helping others and I believe that the Family is the ideal place to do this. This is what Angela dedicated most of her life to; I pray she will not have died in vain.

To the public and media, I have one request. Do not pass judgment on the Family based solely on the perspective of a few vindictive apostates whose sole aim is to destroy us, but rather, hear our side as well. Come and visit us. See the truth for yourselves. And ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.

In closing:

I pose these questions to you who so vehemently blame this tragedy on those of us in the Family. Is it not possible that perhaps your words not only played a part, but held a vital role in this tragedy? Ask yourself if your desire to avenge the alleged errors of the past was worth the loss of these two lives…

This quote by Michael Straczynski formulates it better than I could.

“People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives.” To those of you who are still living in the past and to those who are seeking to avenge the alleged errors of the past by making it your mission to destroy us and the Family. I have two words for you.

Move On.

…already!