Shock is an adequate word to describe the feelings that ran through me as I pondered the recent developments. There were moments of silence and grief for both people who lost their lives, but the time has now come to speak up.

Have I had a perfect life? No. Have I had a great life? Yes.

As any good Christian should, we have been taught to turn the other cheek. For a long time I have smiled at our detractors, and those with bitterness toward the Family, as they ranted and raved at what they see as its faults and shortcomings, evils and the skeletons in our closet.

I have read through apology after apology that we as the Family have given for those incidents that have caused trauma and grief. No one denies that things have happened, and no one denies that rules have since been put into place to protect all minors from things happening again. Most of us have been fortunate to be raised in a society where any sort of abuses were the rare exception, not the norm.

Most of us who grew up in the Family looked at Ricky, or Davidito as he was then called, with admiration and respect. He was raised like any prince of royalty would be. He was granted things other children would not have been allowed, but he was also expected to one day be part of the leadership of our group. If anyone had it good, he did. When I looked at the royalty of England today, (The country in which I am now staying) it is painfully obvious that their lives are an open book to the public. Newspapers and tabloids make it impossible to keep anything, mistakes or scandals alike, out of the public’s eye. Similarly, Davidito’s life was an open book to those of us in the Family, the price of royalty. The fact that he wanted out is perfectly understandable, but that he would turn on us with such a hatred and anger, is something I cannot in any logical thought pattern defend. I look back at my life, and I wonder if we were even in the same group, so different are his viewpoints and memories then mine. I remember a dedicated group, a disciplined core of members who out of conviction passed their beliefs on to their children, hoping to spare us the disappointment they felt in the society of their day. Wouldn’t any parent do the same?

I have heard of so many people whose parents wanted them to follow in their footsteps: Someone whose father was a doctor, pressuring him to be a doctor, or a General who wants nothing more then to see his son fight for his country. What about the Muslim who rears his children in the laws and customs of Islam? By simple deduction, it is easy to understand that our parents would naturally follow that pattern. Though I definitely don’t know all the details, one might loosely compare Davidito to a child prodigy like the Dalai Lama. I don’t suspect that little boy had a choice, but rather is born into a sacred religious spot that he was destined to fill.

There are things I thought were wrong about my upbringing, and I definitely will do them differently with my three kids. But I know that as a parent even I make mistakes, and in retrospect could easily say there were things I wish I wouldn’t have done or said. Nobody expects parents to be perfect, I’m not, my parents aren’t, and their parents weren’t. But I know for sure that I was loved, as were all the children in the family that I had a chance to grow up with. Our parents were trying to build a new society, with new rules, living in a completely different way then any society had in the past. And like any new societies, the need for laws were discovered and consequently put into place.

Though I will be the first to say I don’t agree with all that happened in our history, the changes in the family have reflected the fact that we believe in the saying: “A wise man learns from his own mistakes” And the second part of that proverb: “A wiser man learns from the mistakes of others” is something we should definitely all take to heart in regards to this tragedy.

Issues must be resolved, disagreements must be talked about, and amends must be made. But the dead cannot speak. The murdered have no chance to present their side. Who in their right mind would demand dialogue from the very people whose children and lives they are threatening? I somehow fail to see the logic in that. While those people who hate the Family might in some twisted way see this murder/suicide to their advantage, all I can see is the direction the path of hatred and bitterness leads.

My joy in life is through helping others, though telling them of the joy that serving the Lord gives me, and the wonderful feeling of being saved and loved. That’s the path I have chosen.

Others have chosen a different way. I pray for them that they too find happiness. Whatever happened in the past could have just as easily happened to anyone in or out of the family. The flower power movement our parents and their generation came from gave a mindset of sexual freedom that belied the dangers that an over-sexualized atmosphere can cause to children. But at least they did something about it when awoken to the problem. And now we are the new generation faced with the same childhood as many former members and a similar one as Ricky. I am a thinking, breathing, living soul, a far cry from any “mindless drone” theories that have been concocted.

But one big difference remains between me and those former members that are attacking us and our way of life, we see things through other eyes. Hate blinds, and bitterness destroys. Love and forgiveness restore sight and heal.

I am reminded of the proverb: “An eye for an eye only leaves both people blind”

We are still learning and pursuing our goal of making the Family the best place in the world to raise our beloved children. Is that wrong? Is that why some of you want to destroy us? What have I or my children done to hurt you? Do I even know you? I am the family, just like my friends are as well. We make up the faceless group of people that you hate so much. Think twice before threatening us and our children, please. We have a right to live and believe, just like you do, don’t take that away from us.

I have gone through emotions ranging from sadness to disbelief to anger to confusion about what has happened to Ricky. But in the end, I have decided to remember him not by what he did or became, but what he could have been, had he given love and forgiveness a chance. I hope you can do the same.

From Jan, 23, (Swiss/German citizen), in the UK

Jan is a second-generation member of the Family International.