I woke up on Monday Jan 10th like most every other morning wondering, “Is it really 7:00 am already?!” Like usual, it took a while for my wife to convince me that I had indeed gotten a full night’s sleep and that it was now time to get up for another day.

I got up knowing full well that there were people that opposed me and people whom I opposed! The people who I opposed were the likes of Dell tech support who were giving me a hard time about fixing my recently broken PDA and other such evil-doers. My reaction to them would be to call and spend another hour on hold and then hope that I could understand the man on the other end with his thick Indian accent, after which I would summon enough courage to really “let them have it” and tell him what I thought about corporate America and their lack of care for the lowly consumer, which in reality would mean that I would beg and plead with them to “entertain” (what they actually told me with a strong Indian accent) my business even though to them I was the scum of the earth for buying my Dell system on e-Bay instead of the almighty Dell web-site.

As far as the other evil doers I would be content to continue to pray for “world peace” and leave the rest up to the Almighty.

Now when it comes to those who oppose me, they have a very different way of showing their distain for me. They have decided that I really don’t know what is good for me, and since I didn’t grow up in a normal way –which could mean that, I did not grow up in an old ‘73 mobile home, my dad did not wear a “wife-beater”, get drunk every night, and slap us around while shouting a string of curse words and that my mom still has all her teeth—they are now making their life’s proclaimed goal to destroy my way of life.

To this end they have come up with some outlandish accusations, like “Any adult who joins the Family is actually abducted by aliens, which while out in space is turned into a mindless zombie after which, they become a perverted sex maniac, with no regard for right and wrong, or anything else, for that matter. Clothes, food, water, loved ones, children, or any earthly possessions have no meaning as long as they get sex.”

They proclaim that every child who has ever had contact with these “aliens” (also known as cult members) has been abused. They have proof, they have facts! No one has ever seen this proof, no one has ever heard any facts, and most likely no one ever will. Which reminds me, I told my wife that I had proof that it was actually Santa who forgot to bring her Christmas present, however… when I failed to bring forth the proof things didn’t go so well for me (you have to be a husband to understand). Anyway according to them that is okay, we have to trust them because after all these people are aliens. They have become so sex-crazed that they can abuse children, by merely looking at them, or doing any number or things that by anyone else (who wasn’t an alien) would consider perfectly fine and normal behavior.

Then they have their own “abuse” stories that support their whole “alien” theory. The funny thing is that I lived with a lot of people and they never mentioned anything about abuse, as a matter of fact when anything came up about abuse they willingly and whole-heartedly defended the aliens, explaining that yes, they were different, but these were nice aliens who actually had found a way to try to live in a far more “intelligent” and “enlightened” way of life. –And not only did they defend their way of life, they also encouraged me to do so.

It wasn’t till they got involved with alien haters (also known as the anti-cult movement)–which in my mind have the heart of your average SS agent working in a concentration camp, and looks like something like the Grinch who stole Christmas, when he’s constipated–that they started also to hate the aliens that they formerly loved. Then discovered that they too had been “looked at” by the aliens and therefore must have been abused! Or maybe their memory is getting better as they get older?? I’m sure my Mom would love to know what they are taking!

So back to reporting on my Monday blues, I had heard about the tragic news about someone who I was told I should look up to most of my life taking his own life. –And for the record, even though I do live among aliens I do think that taking one’s life is a complete waste. My heart (which, I am finding is actually quite large and filled with lots of emotion compared to the average SS agent) goes out to anyone who has fallen to such a depressed state, and has lost so much hope that they would chose to take their own life instead of continuing to run this race we call life.

I was still in deep thought when I heard even more disturbing news. This really was turning out to be a bad Monday, not only was it just that–a Monday– but I also had to get out of bed! Now they told me that not only did this person take their own life, but had also cruelly killed someone who was formerly an alien because they had lived in the same place as he did and as such she must be guilty and had taken part in his abuse, which the alien haters (while extremely constipated) had convinced him that he had suffered.

Now if all this isn’t bad enough, the alien haters seemed to be very happy to get up on Monday morning as they had decided to use this terrible tragedy to prove that aliens throughout the entire galaxy, –what is more the entire universe– are evil and we should use all of our resources to get rid of them!

Well all of this has stirred me up to do a little more than just pray for “world peace” regarding those who oppose me! I live amongst these “aliens” I love them dearly, and I like most of them. Some might be a little hairy, but I can guarantee you that none of them look or act like the Grinch. They all have enormous hearts and would never think of getting near a concentration camp. I have never been abused, nor have I ever witnessed any abuse.

I do have a very different way of life; I have chosen to live amongst aliens! I have dedicated myself to help others, to try make others’ lives a little better through bringing them the Gospel of Christ. If you don’t like it, I don’t really care! Please stop being so uptight, and might I recommend some wax and laxatives… In the mean time I’m going to go back to calling Dell and praying for “world peace”.

–Oh, by the way my name is Juan Otoya (26), I’m not ashamed of who I am! I have no reason to hide in the shadows!

Juan Otoya is a second generation member of the Family International.