Name: Kibou Terasaki
Age: 19
Location: Japan

It’s disgusting! When I first heard about the murder of Angela Smith by Richard Rodriguez I was horrified! My eyes widened to the size of golf balls, my mouth pursed closed, and my cheeks involuntarily puffed themselves out making my face glow red. It was certainly new to me as I have never heard of any family member or former member committing murder. And it didn’t help to ease my expression when our beloved former member apostates use this gruesome occasion to splatter their offensive thoughts all over their website, not to mention the news media! You know what? I’m offended!! That’s my statement.

All I’m trying to do here in The Family International is make the world a better place. Now how can I do that when my face is like this?! This expression (It had better not be permanent!!!) is the creation of slanderous words of hate spoken by our dear apostates.

One thing that fascinates me about them though, is their persistence and utter dedication to their cause. They’re just like me! I am by nature a very rebellious personality. And I just like being… rebellious!

Once upon a time I was an apostate of The Family! No, I didn’t slap together a website, and on it practice becoming an expert at making initials for crude language—I’m not that clever. My apostasy was on a smaller scale, and it was directed towards my parents. It started when I made friends with a couple of naughty children (they are presently “all grown up” and have left our circle fellowship to pursue their own careers) that were already in a state of rebellion against their parents.

One girl would tell me stories of how other children were breaking away from the authority of their parents. The impression I got was that everyone was doing it! “Wow,” I thought, “I could get really good at that!!” During that time period, I made a point of finding fault in everything my parents did, just so that I could fuel my rebellion—cheeky, huh? But I admit it’s true. I started blaming them for everything. And it felt good when I was all worked up and in a state of utter rebellion, but when I came down from that high of feeling powerful, I was miserable.

Once, my dad sent me to a five-day camp which I said I wanted to go to. After he agreed that I could go, my thoughts were, “He just wants to get rid of me for a week…” I didn’t even stop to consider the fact that—at the time—we were tight financially and the expenses would strain our situation a bit and that it was a tough decision to make. I didn’t care.

I’m telling you all this so that you understand that if I continued on in this manner then I would not be in The Family International today, and could have ended up a very bitter person.

What happened? Well, for some reason I started to get interested in the writings of The Family International’s founder, David Berg. I started reading more and more of his writings and also the writings of Maria David and Peter Amsterdam.

Slowly by slowly, (read this part slowly) I started changing. My thoughts, then attitudes, and actions all started changing. Needless to say, (well, I think I should say it anyway) the way I saw my parents started changing. I started realizing how wrong my thought patterns were. I started asking myself, “Do I want to become what I am turning into?” I wanted to change, and the writings told me how it was possible.

I saw that love, happiness, joy, positive thinking, and relief from bitterness, were all within my grasp. So, I started doing what these writings instructed. I was overjoyed to find that it worked! Slowly, by reading these writings and striving to “live” them, as well as living with others within our fellowship that were doing the same, all the bitterness, hatred, and rebellion towards my parents that was building up inside of me for years was all washed away. I can only imagine what I would be like today had I been raised outside of the Family and never had a chance to read these wonderful, life-giving words.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I want to be exactly like my parents now. For example, unlike my mother, you won’t ever catch me wearing a green sweater with a purple skirt—ahem—but now I do love and respect them from the bottom of my heart.

A week ago my father told me his side of the story of those anguishing years.

I had not been very vocal about my thoughts and feelings towards him, but by looking into my eyes, he could tell that something was wrong. He really wanted to help, but as long as I didn’t say anything there was no way he could find out what exactly was happening with me.

He was at the same time being squashed by a failing marriage. As anyone who is married to someone or have been married to someone knows, marriage has its ups and down; it’s good times and rough times. For five years until recently, my parents’ relationship was deteriorating—seriously. Talk about a long down hill! Not because they didn’t have the same goals, but more because of personality clashes that result when you put two fallible and imperfect human beings together for 25 years! (Unless you’re a miraculously exceptional pair, in which case, I would like to personally meet you for the express purpose of bowing down and kissing your feet!!) My older brother Mike would say that it’s a miracle they were even together. Why didn’t they ever divorce? There were times they weren’t even on speaking terms!

My dad told me, through his tears, that he did it for us, his children. I cried. Knowing what a traumatizing event divorce could be for children, he continued on through those agonizing years. He said that what kept him going were the written words of Maria David. By reading these writings, which are all based on the Bible, he received the strength to persevere.

The happy ending to all of this is that about a year ago my parents had a miraculous transformation in their relationship. They started communicating again and had a little marriage renewal celebration, including the kids of course as it was quite obvious to them that “Mama and Papa don’t get along.”

Exactly how this happened and all the details entailing this scenario elude me, because I wasn’t living with them at the time. My dad just says, “Somehow I started changing and your mother started changing.” This change started happening at the time they were at the point of near divorce.

I credit these changes to the inspiring and motivating words that Maria and Peter send to all of us that are members of The Family International.

So don’t give me this “Maria & Peter are evil!” connotation! Excuse my baby talk, but to me that’s all COW DOO DOO, more commonly known as _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _!! (Fill in the blanks!) The Bible says that, “By their fruits you will know them.” In other words by seeing the results of their words and actions you will know where there’re at! I’ve seen their “fruits”, and I like what I see. My story is a record of the effect Maria and Peter have on people.

Ricky Rodriguez, when he was within our circle of fellowship, was described by a friend of mine who personally met him as, “…a very sensible young man, warm, friendly and easy to talk to. He seemed to have everything going for him - good looking, strong, muscular and intelligent. Above all he had a very sweet spirit.” (Click on the following link to read it for yourself: http://www.kt70.com/~jamesjpn/Ricky_Rodriquez_statement.html).

I understand that after he decided to pursue his own career and left our circle of fellowship that he encountered and befriended some discontented former members, who—to me—seem to be determined to transcend to brilliant carriers of becoming professional apostates.

One of them posted on the ex-member site, and I quote, “Maybe it’s callous to say this, but WTF [what the f**k], if he had to go he might as well have taken one of the f**kers with him. It’s almost too bad he only got one.” Well, I am glad that this person does not know where I live!

(You know what? I hereby, renounce any words like “dear”, “beloved”, or “brilliant” that I put in front of the word “apostate” in this article. I’m sorry, but I can in no good conscience write something like that anymore. It’s just not fair.)

Ricky had friends like this for ten years.

I imagine if I had friends like that, eventually I would feel like doing something violent—like slicing someone’s throat. These are their “fruits” or results.

The media only heard one side of the story—the apostates side. But don’t worry, ignorance can be fixed. Everyone knows that sometimes the media gets it all wrong. Think about the weather report for a moment…. Hmmm. Well, I’m sure they try their best. But the all the inaccuracies published about the Family really makes me wonder just how much the newspaper can be trusted. Just what else are they feeding us that is ignorant, one-sided, or just plain false?…. Hmmmmm. All I want to know is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Well, that may be a tough choice for some people, but I’ve seen the “fruits” of both sides. And after much contemplation and deep pondering in my pond of options I’ve finally made up mind.

So, I can choose what to believe. I could believe our _ _ _ _ apostates…. (I don’t think so!!) I could believe our busy, busy well meaning but unwittingly ignorant TV stations. Hmmmmm. Or I could believe the author of these words, “God loves you. He’s loved you from the very beginning and He’ll love you to the end.”—Maria David.

So, who do you think I’m siding with? Think about it.

Kibou Terasaki is a second-generation member of The Family International