My name is Gina Wilson, 29 yrs.,– status (FM). I am glad to have this forum in which to comment on such a sad and shocking situation because I think it is one of those times we are forced to reflect on what life means and what our beliefs are. I didn’t know either Angela or Ricky personally, yet I am feeling the effects of these events. What I do know is that our spiritual life is the most personal thing we have. It is ourselves as an individual spirit before our Creator.

Every person is in a different stage of development spiritually, and God sees us each separately, never comparing us one with another. Our conscience is our guide; a gift given to speak to us. We know deep down of each little choice we make whether it is in line with our conscience and we have peace, or we are justifying something for our own self-satisfaction. This is true of every tiny decision we face, constant tests big and small: and only God sees and shares this process with us. This is life, and no one gets away from it.

When I heard of what happened, I felt the despair and sadness of what I call the Judas syndrome. We have seen it before with others such as Rick Dupuy, but I think it is manifested in many people to varying degrees when we are uncomfortable with our choices and their results, and can’t seem to settle the score with God or make peace with our own conscience. I have seen people change their entire viewpoints and perspective on life in order to justify some personal failure and support their choices. The problem is that we cannot run away from our conscience, we must carry it with us through life. So the gift given to guide us then becomes a haunting burden plaguing the soul.

I have many dearly loved friends who I would say are suffering varying degrees of confusion of this sort. Living life is both the dynamics of interrelating between ourselves as human beings, and the isolated journey of our own mind and spirit making daily choices. We are all here for these reasons, experiencing the same process. It’s up to us how much we influence others and how much we are influenced by them.

I know it is not our place to judge people, and thank God it is His job. He sees clearly, He does it fairly and well. The job He has given us in life is to learn how to love each other, treat each person with decency and respect and strive to make our daily choices in standing with our conscience, which will constantly be tested. I am sure we have each experienced making tough choices we somehow felt were the right ones, and also indulging in something we instinctively knew was the selfish way no matter how we tried to make it look. We are each standing before God everyday to give account for our life. We’re expected to gain knowledge and continually try according to our accountability and understanding!

So…. if someone we love is disturbed, are we expected to buy into their pathology to prove that we care??? We can be sure they will need to find a resolution on a deeper level to satisfy their conscience, and it’s more likely that we ourselves are seeking sympathy for our own sake. It would be wise to face our feelings personally and realize where the line is drawn between our duty in life to support and relate to others, and our spirit’s own need for peace that must be individually experienced and resolved.

I have thought it over, and this is my conclusion. To Maria and the other family members I would like to say I am really so sorry for your loss. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know.

Gina Wilson is a second-generation member of The Family International