From: Raquel
Age: 27
Location: Brazil

I’m not a very good writer and in another situation I’d probably decide to not write anything, but in light of the recent happenings and the things that have been said I came to the conclusion that if our apostates have a right to express their opinion and give us a piece of their mind then I should too.

I was born and raised in The Family International and, once of age, out of my own choice, decided to continue as a missionary and raise my family in it too. I have four kids, all of which are smart, outgoing, sociable kids. All their lives I’ve done my best to raise them in a loving atmosphere, where they get their needs met and are free from abuse. Let me tell you one thing, if I had any suspicion of abuse to either them or any other child in the Family I’d be out of here in a flash.

Why do I stick around? Besides for the fact that I love what I do, and I love the Lord with all my heart and all my other personal decisions, it’s because I know that the Family is the safest place for any child to grow up in. You might say I’m naïve, or that I say this because I know no other life style but the truth is all you need to do is look at the news today. When I was a teenager I visited various detention homes for kids, orphanages and government institutions for kids whose parents had abused, beaten or abandoned. Now that was heartbreaking. The stories some of them had to tell were horrifying, extremely sad and definitely not the kind of stories you hear about in the Family. Of course, you might say that all this is normal in those kinds of places, but what do you say about the poor kids in kindergarten schools who get pumped with tranquilizers (a.k.a. DRUGS) just because they are a bit on the hyperactive side. If you look around society today there are a number of other instances of real physical, emotional and psychological abuse.

Now let’s be honest, we all know that there were mistakes made, even abuses from certain individuals but from what I’ve heard and seen, those people have been excommunicated from our fellowship. Leadership has apologized for the mistakes on their end in not making things very clear from the beginning and has taken the necessary measures to ensure that things like that will not happen again. For me that’s good enough. I realize that each one of us who have been wronged in any way have to make a choice of what we are going to do with it. Some choose to move on with their lives, putting the past in the past, and making the most of their present and future, while yet others choose to dwell on the negative (which undoubtedly eats you up from the inside and eventually gets exaggerated) and most of the time their lives stay that way in everything they do, stuck in the past. Pretty pathetic if you ask me.

I have a number of friends who have left the Family, most of which have gone on with their lives. It’s interesting to see how those who became “losers” in a way, after leaving the Family, ended up blaming their parents and The Family’s upbringing for their own lacks, when the truth is, while in the Family, they were lazy, hated studying (and did everything in their power to miss out on scholastics), murmured about having to do a job here or there. Basically they were losers in the Family. Then they left the Family to pursue other ideals but hey they wake up to the crude reality that “nothing is for free” and you have to work hard out there. (I know, I worked for about a year and let me tell you, it wasn’t easy getting up at 4:45 am every day to get home at around 8 pm only to find my, at the time, 3 kids awake waiting for some mommy time.) Yet those who worked hard and made the best out of their time in the Family, when they left to pursue their goals with all the training and wonderful upbringing they had, they really did move on, got a job and are attaining the goals they had.

When one of my friends left the Family, I was one of the first to know, he came to talk to me about it. Honestly I really admired him for making the decision to leave. Why? Because being in the Family is not for everyone, but a lot of people just sit around complaining about the things they don’t like and they don’t leave because they know that if they did leave it would be a lot harder to have the commodities we have living communally. I mean really, when you have a number of people working toward paying the rent, taking care of your kids, cleaning the house, etc… and all you have to worry about is doing your ministry, it’s a lot easier than having to worry about all of that and more on your own.

Anyway, back to my story. I told him I really respected his decision to leave the Family and that I would like to continue being his friend but he would have to respect my decision to stay. He did and we continue to have very good communication. I love him a lot and he’s like a brother to me. Once he asked me “Do you consider that you’ve been brainwashed? Because sometimes I think young people in the Family stay because of that, besides the fact that they know no other life style, and you’re afraid of not ‘making it’” Honestly I never considered myself a brainwashed, senseless robot, following through on everything I’ve been told.

To be really honest, being in the Family, as I see it, is something directly linked to faith. Here’s how I look at it: Whenever a new revelation comes out, or some new direction for the Family, each one of us is faced with the question, “Do I believe this? Do I have the faith to accept this? Or does my faith go no further?” The day I don’t fully agree with some doctrine of the Family, or I don’t accept it in my heart, I’m not going to kid myself thinking I should continue on as a Family disciple. I will remove myself to suit the membership where the level of my faith is at. And if I ever decide the Family is not the place for me to be in, I’ll go and truly move on with my life.

I’m in the Family because I believe with all my heart that this is the right place for me. Each of the Family’s doctrines has become a personal belief, it doesn’t matter to me what others think about it, I have faith in them. It is because I believe the Word that I’m still here.

I totally respect those of you who have chosen other lifestyles, I know The Family is not the place for everyone, and hey we’re not attacking you for wanting to pursue other goals in life, why are you attacking us? Let us live our lives while you live yours. And if you’re intent on living in the past remorsing over some abuse and dwelling on how it affected you negatively, go right ahead. But don’t make it your goal to ruin other’s lives too because of it. Did it ever occur to you that perhaps not everyone “suffered” like you, and we did live in peaceful havens all our lives?

I’m ever grateful to my parents for raising me in the Family. I know perhaps for a few years they weren’t with me as much as they would have like to be, because of their job at the time. But I always felt loved. I had an excellent education, thanks to my parents who were always concerned about this. I wish other kids in the World today would be able to feel the love and care I got from my parents, the time they spent with me. As busy as they were every night we’d spend time together as a family talking about the day’s events and reading Bible stories together. Of course I went through my rebellious teen years and I’m sure some of the things I said to them hurt them but they took it all in stride praying and knowing someday I’d come around. I wouldn’t trade my upbringing for anything. Now I have my own family and I pray they can one day turn around and say the same about me and their heritage.

Some of our apostates say they want to “save” us from our past, or save our kids now from suffering what they did. (You guys sound like you want to do humanitarian aid. Why don’t you go rescue the poor guys in Iraq who are suffering needlessly, on both sides? They are the ones who are truly psychologically, emotionally and physically abused.) But let me tell you something, I’m old enough to know what I want and need in life. I’m happy, fulfilled and I see that my kids are being raised in the best way possible. What is there to save us from? Leave us be. Find some other cause to dedicate your time and energy to; there are a million other cases where you could really make a difference if you really want to, and are fighting for the right cause.