Let me start this by saying that I am not a member of The Family. I was born and raised in TF. My wife and I moved out of Family homes in 1999 and gradually dropped contact (besides a couple friends) and even partial membership.

People criticize members of the Family for standing up for themselves. They pay little attention to their arguments because they are members of “the cult”. It seems to me that once someone is branded with the title cultist they are not accorded the normal rights (including the right to stand up for themselves) that other people are.

I have nothing to gain by standing up for TF except my self respect. A few people have decided to make it their life’s mission to destroy TF and TF deserves to have someone give another version of the story.

Honest people can only tell what they have seen. I’ll be the first to admit that my experience growing up was very counter-culture. My parents were trying a very different way of life from what was typical in the US.

I saw a movie one time called Flashback where one scene reminded me so much of my simple childhood that it brought tears to my eyes. It was when Kiefer Sutherland sees a video of him when he was a kid before he grew up to an opposite way of life as an FBI officer. It shows him dancing around barefoot while his hippy parents play the guitar and sing songs. They seem poor but very happy. In many ways I was raised in a hippy but Christian (or early Christian) lifestyle.

We didn’t watch much TV. We helped with household chores from a young age. We moved around a lot. We camped at lakes and parks for months at a time and my dad would play us songs on the guitar around the campfire at night. Our parents had us memorize Bible verses and encouraged us to tell our friends about Jesus. In many ways though, my siblings and I were normal rowdy kids. We didn’t have a lot of toys but I don’t remember missing them. We went to church for Sunday school. We easily made friends wherever we went.

When we were naughty my parents would sometimes spank us or if we lied or said a bad word they would “wash our mouth out with soap”. These are the only negative memories I have and since I remember actually being naughty in many of those occasions I have a difficult time calling them “abuse”.

Family lifestyle is communal and many times we lived with other families. I remember that when I was 5 years old we briefly lived with one family whose oldest daughter (6) was mean and would lie about my brother and me to her father. He would then spank us unfairly without telling my parents. This is my only memory of really unjust punishment when I was a child.

As far as school goes my collage educated mother home schooled us regularly though we learned some subjects (like reading) much better than other subjects (like math). When I was a preteen I went to public school for several years and saw that there were definite holes in my education that I was able to catch up on. At the same time I was advanced and even excelled in others.

I would have to say of my personal case that if I had gone to normal public/private school from grade school through high school I would have learned many subjects better than I did the way I was taught. I must say though that Family education has come a long way since I was a child.

At the same time I learned things in my lifestyle that help me today much more than standard scholastics would. Speaking a second language fluently helps me in my job every day for instance. Politics, current world events, accounting, human relations, sales and a good work ethic are a few other things I am extremely appreciative of having learned. Many people I meet who are “better educated” than I are lacking in some of these areas and I see it hurt them in their jobs and relationships.

I am 32 years old and I have never seen any sexual abuse in TF. I know of cases where abuse took place but if was wide spread or condoned me or one of my siblings would have experienced it. However when I was a child I remember three different occasions where I was touched inappropriately or propositioned by men to have sex by non-Family people that I met in parks or restrooms. So from personal experience I keep much closer watch over my children now that I am not in TF than when I was.

I have moved on from TF. I am not a missionary and I am not raising my children to be Family members. I now own my own house and my own business.

I have 3 children in public school. They are all at the top of their classes. My oldest daughter who was home schooled with A Beka through 4th grade received the President’s award last year is in all Pre AP classes. She loves her current life though she has fond memories of her early years as a missionary and traveling.

Leaving the Family lifestyle was a big change for sure and difficult in many ways but my life growing up sufficiently prepared me to do whatever I wanted with my life. When I moved on I didn’t have to escape and in fact no one even tried to talk me out of it – though my friends wished me well.

I would like to say that I am a self made man and though I had humble beginnings I have big plans for my future. I have to say though that all that is good and moral about me is because of how I was raised. I have a deep faith and sense of what my life is about. Things might have been easier for me today if my parents had been rich and raised me to think about myself foremost but I kind of doubt it. In any case I wouldn’t trade my life for anyone else’s. My experiences as a missionary were profound and satisfying.

I wish you well!

Shawn