My Conclusion » Letters to the Editor

The Family International’s response to the July 31st Larry King Live Show (CNN)

Dan — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 05:00:00 +0000

In Response to the CNN Larry King Live Show
From Claire Borowik for the Family International — July 30, 2008 (updated August 1st)

Contact: Claire Borowik, Public Affairs Desk for the Family International, (202) 298–0838, or publicaffairs@thefamily.org

It’s a sad day for serious journalism when a program with the standing of Larry King Live produces a sensationalistic segment focused on the claims of a handful of apostates of the Family International and anti-religious lobbyists. Over its 40-year history, over 35,000 people have been members of our fellowship. The detractors featured on this program are not representative of the thousands of former members who have at one time served as missionaries with our movement.

The usage of the label “cult” in reference to the Family is particularly pejorative. Such labeling is an age-old tactic—Jesus and his followers were also maligned as the “cult of the Nazarenes” in their day. The Family International, founded in the late 1960s, has expanded into an international missionary fellowship located in over 100 countries around the world, that has led millions to faith in Christ, and has assisted the needy in a multitude of volunteer and humanitarian efforts (see http://www.thefamilyinternational.org).

Family Policy for the Protection of Minors
The Family International has a zero tolerance policy in regards to the abuse of minors. The Family will immediately expel and excommunicate any adult member deemed guilty of physically or sexually abusive behavior towards children. Family members are advised to conduct themselves in conformance with the laws of the jurisdiction in which they live and to cooperate with the justice system of the land.

Allegations of abuse are taken very seriously by Family leadership, which has the obligation under the Family’s Charter to investigate such reports in a timely fashion and to take appropriate measures (” Procedures for Excommunicating Family Members,” The Family Charter). The Charter stipulates that the parents and the members of the community are responsible to provide a safe environment for all minors residing in their community. Parents are ultimately responsible for all decisions pertaining to the care and well-being of their children (“Rights of Children and Responsibilities of Parents,” The Family Charter).

The Family’s policy for the protection of minors was adopted in 1986. We regret that prior to the adoption of this policy, cases occurred where minors were exposed to sexually inappropriate behavior between 1978 and 1986. This was addressed in 1986 when any sexual contact between an adult and minor was officially banned and, subsequently in 1989 declared an excommunicable offense. This policy has remained unchanged for nearly two decades, and the Family’s Charter (first published in 1995) reaffirms this standard.

All previously published literature underwent careful scrutiny to ensure that it reflected this position, and questionable publications were officially renounced and expunged between the late 1980s and early 1990s. In 1994, official acknowledgement was made of the responsibility David Berg bears in publishing writings that proclaimed a teaching of sexual liberty (in 1976 and 1978) without instituting safeguards for the protection of minors. This was officially corrected in 1986, when clear guidelines were instituted banning any such contact and subsequently in 1989, when infractions of this policy were rendered an excommunicable offense.

The successful institutionalization of this policy is evidenced in the 600+ children of Family members that were subjected to government-enforced examinations in the early 1990s in several countries. These examinations confirmed the absence of physical, emotional, educational, or sexual abuse among children of Family members, resulting in the vindication of members by courts of law on three continents.

Official Apologies Tendered
Since 1993, the Family’s administrative branch has issued eight official apologies to former and current Family members for any grievances regarding their experiences in the Family. Family leadership officially addressed therein any questionable past actions regarding discipline, education, or sexual misconduct that may have taken place. These apologies were published a number of times and have been a matter of public record for the past decade.

Our sincere hope for those who were once part of the Family is that they can lead constructive, fulfilling lives and progress in the new goals they set for themselves once they decide they no longer wish to make serving the Lord with the Family their career. Our prayer is for reconciliation and mutual respect in the path that each one has chosen of his or her own free will.

Although the Family has apologized on a number of occasions to former members for any hurt, real or perceived, that they may have suffered during their time in our membership, we do not give credence to tales of institutionalized abuse told by those who seek to cause harm to our church and children. There is no basis in fact for such allegations, as evidenced by the findings of courts around the world, which evaluated over 600 children living in Family communities by means of extensive court-appointed physical, psychological, and educational testing. In every case, the courts have been satisfied with the standard of life offered to the children. (For summaries of court rulings see http://www.cesnur.org/testi/TheFamily/se_thefamily.htm.)

Incidence of Suicide amongst former members
There is no factual basis to claims of Family detractors that a high incidence of suicide exists amongst former second generation members. We find it very grievous that even one former member would succumb to suicide, however, the claim that nearly 30 suicides occurred in the past 15 years has no basis in fact or official causes of death. According to available records, the rate of incidence of suicide amongst the approximately 32,000 former members of the Family is far below the average in general, and in conformance to the expected rate in some age ranges.

We acknowledge that those who were once a part of our movement are as likely to succumb to social illnesses as the population at large. The World Health Organization estimates that suicide is responsible for a global mortality rate of 16 per 100,000 people per year. In the last 45 years, suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide, rendering it among the three leading causes of death among those aged 15–44. In a period of history where the rates of suicide are rising at an alarming rate, suicide and acts of violence are virtually unknown in the Family International.

Not Without My Sister, by Juliana Buhring and Celeste Jones
Juliana Buhring’s dramatic tales and escape narrative have no basis in fact, and she was actually assisted by Family members in her transition from the Family International, and departed on good terms. Celeste Jones’ account is likewise riddled with distortions and inaccuracies, to the point that it’s difficult to discern fact from fiction in this book. Juliana and Celeste are clearly benefiting from the publicity afforded them by programs such as this to make a name for themselves and to sell books.

Stephen Kent
It’s surprising that the producers of the Larry King Live Show would invite two people from the academic field that are of the infinitesimal minority of scholars that are active in anti-religious campaigns. Many scholars have researched, studied, and published their research on the Family International in recent years, unlike Kent, and yet none of these were contacted for this show. It’s clear that the scope of this program was narrowed to people antagonistic to minority religions. Kent’s only source of information on the Family is hostile ex-members. His allegations are false, and have no foundation in fact.

Approximately half the young adults born in the Family continue to be members of the movement. They tell a very different story than the tales of the detractors featured on this program, and have published a blog in response to such allegations, to ensure that their voices will be heard. Over 400 young people raised in the Family have posted statements and testimonials with photos. (Please see http://www.myconclusion.com.)

It seems we never learn from history, and despite the trauma that hundreds of Family children suffered in the early 1990s due to unfounded allegations such as those presented on this show (and disproved by the courts), the witch hunt continues.

The Family International, formerly known as the Children of God, is a fellowship of Christian missionaries dedicated to preaching the Gospel around the world. Members have received Jesus Christ as their personal Savior and live and work together in small communities. Founded by David Brandt Berg (1919–1994) in Southern California, the Family has expanded into an international missionary fellowship located in over 100 countries around the world. Approximately two-thirds of the Family’s full-time membership is comprised of second and third generation members. (For more information, please see http://www.thefamilyinternational.org.)

To Whom This May Concern

Dan — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 15:45:04 +0000

From Charles Borjas
As a former member of The Family International, I am writing this in response to the Montel Williams Show which was recently aired on TV in the U.S.
I joined The Family International when it was The Children of God in 1970. I was brought up as a Catholic and already had a love of God and His Holy Word, and a desire to serve Him as a missionary someday, from the time I was 13 years old.
I saw The Children of God as a means that would enable me to fulfill my chosen vocation to serve God in another country. What I wanted was training in the Word and missionary life, and I got it without having to go through years and years of Bible school but by attending the classes and on the job training of witnessing to others the love of God, very similar to programs that many other youth groups such as Youth With A MISSION (YWAM) Teen Challenge and many other youth groups of many Christian Churches are doing today.
I spent 35 years with The Children of God/ Family of Love/ The Family/ and now called The Family International and left the group membership 2 years ago in retirement so I can pursue my spiritual life further, do some writing, studying and continue my missionary work independently.
5 of my children are still missionaries with the group today. None of my children have ever been abused in any way in the Family to my knowledge, a statement I would stake my life upon.
I really do sympathize with Davida, for the life she now has to lead, through her own choice, but I disagree with her that her chosen type of employment was all she had to fall back on, and that her childhood and up-bringing caused her or forced her to have to do what she does for a living.
She expressed with her own words that she likes it and enjoys it, so how can someone say that they were driven to do something because of their abusive childhood, and then turn around and say they really enjoy doing it? Sounds like quite a contradiction if you ask me.
The other girl, Amy, I knew her in Japan and was one of the teen overseers when the teen program was in it’s early beginnings, before the talk about victor camps came out.
Since I had been a missionary in Japan, most of my work was done out on pioneer fields wining and training new members in the basics of the Bible in what you might call “babes training”. Since that was one of my specialties, I had been asked to come there to help teach the teens that were there in some Bible basics, which included classes from the Bible on basic Christian beliefs.
One of my strong points was always the Bible, and I to this day could not live without its life giving Words spoken by Jesus Christ Himself and other men who were inspired and moved by the Holy Ghost.
During the few months I was there, I never saw any of the teens being mistreated or abused or forced to do anything they didn’t want to do. All of the teens who were there had decided to come of their own free will, including Amy, who was 15 years old at the time. She, as well as the others, willingly and enthusiastically participated in all of the special activities and duties inside the school without complaint. Every effort and care was given to ensure that the teens there were well cared for, and personal attention was given to each one to counsel them and help them through any personal problems they might have been going through.
Also at this same school was Daniel Roselle, when he was about the age of 13 or 14. I remember him being a quiet, calm and very polite and respectful boy and pleasant to be around. Since I was only there about three months, and there were many teens there it was difficult to get to know each and everyone personally, but I did get to talk to just about all of them. There were those teens there that I also knew prior to meeting them there. Some of them I knew from birth and also knew their parents pretty well too.
It amazed me a shocked me too how some young people can change when they get older.
For example Daniel, who was so polite and respectful before, has a lot of bitterness now regarding things he said happened to him when he was 7 years old. And Amy, who was one of the teen leaders there and had a high profile and pleasant personality, is now a traumatized young woman.
One thing is certainly clear to me is that Montel Williams was given inaccurate information that was many years out of date, and yet he spoke as if these things just happened yesterday, and their testimony gave the impression that David Berg was still alive and carrying on all that Davida and Amy said he did on a daily basis, and also that this is the normal routine all of the Family International homes follow.
When you have heard both sides of the story, you see that what you view and hear on TV is designed to be a sensational attraction to draw viewers to that particular show, each show competing for the number one spot.
It can be the same in religion too. You have these so called faith healers get on TV and “slay” people in the “Spirit” and perform so called healings that cannot ever be verified, then turn around and sincerely ask for your dollars.
This type of showmanship is common and necessary in order to attract people to their crusades, and it is the same with TV show psychologists, who also have to be showmen and be able to attract people to watch their show in order to stay in the top ratings. That is what show business is all about; competition, not helping people.
That is why they make promises, and have such emotional reactions that give the appearance of sympathizing with their guests.
In such an atmosphere of acting, “make believe” and gimmickry designed to draw out the emotions of the audience and public, it is impossible to see the situation, as it really is since it appears to be so one-sided.
That is why I feel it IS important to get both sides of the story in order to get the true picture and proper balance of what is happening, and put things in their proper perspective.
I know the tactics psychologists use in their treatment of so-called posttraumatic syndrome. It is through the power of suggestion and even in some cases using hypnosis to cause their patients to “remember” the so called details of their traumatic experience and get them to relive it in their minds. This, in my opinion, causes even more psychological damage to their mind and emotions and they end up in worse shape, needing years of therapy afterwards, possibly never coming out of the vortex they have created for themselves.
This process shows clearly that the so called victim’s real purpose is not to get help for their problem, but their real motive is, in bitterness, to hurt the so called perpetrators and instigators of what the trauma they claim to have experienced.
In their weakened mental state they would be very susceptible to become victims of even more abuse by outer forces using them to further their own agenda. When they are finished being used they are then sadly lopped aside and left to themselves to then deal with their own worsened state of mind.
If such an inconceivable magnitude of trauma and abuse was truly suffered by someone, and they are sincerely making an effort to get the inner healing they require, I believe that the first and foremost step would be to do as Jesus Christ commands us. “Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”
Of course psychologists and therapists would never agree that Jesus is the answer.
However, If that first step is not taken, inner healing cannot take place. This cannot only lead to emotional instability, but also physical diseases.
Only God and His love can give inner healing to the heart, and only The Word of God can renew the mind. So there needs to be not only forgiveness of the person, which does not mean condoning the deed done, but looking at it in the sense of the person who committed the hurting act as also being a victim of an outside or spiritual force, natural emotion, physical tendencies, or circumstances of which we all know can be a result of living in an un-renewed world, with an un-renewed mind.
Then it is easier to forgive the person without condoning the act. At least that gets us off the hook with God, and the inner healing can take place as our relationship with God is healing with this first step.
Other wise one can go through the rest of his or her life still under the control of the trauma they have decided to entertain in their minds for years, in bitterness and unforgiveness. That alone sadly can and has destroyed many a life.
So, I firmly believe, contrary to what professional doctors and psychologists and therapists say, that the answer to inner healing, if one so desires, is to correct their relationship with God, and believe that He loves them unconditionally no matter what they are thinking they went through.
Then, there has to be a total renewing of the mind and thinking process which only can be done effectively and permanently by reading, studying and meditating on the Word of God, the Bible.
One can only be depressed and traumatized as long as he or she is making the choice to think about the things that depress them. It is common sense that if you keep thinking about what you have suffered, or bad things that have happened to you, those things will become your master and control your thoughts. It will be impossible to ever be happy as long as you are thinking unhappy thoughts.
The thing that drove Ricky to do what he did was not his upbringing. It was the way he chose to view his upbringing and other events he described vividly according to the thoughts he himself chose to entertain. These thoughts obsessed him day and night until he had no power over them. He accepted them, agreed with them, and then they had power over his life. To those who believe in the spirit world, we know these types of thoughts come from Satan and not God. IN God’s Word it says that Satan’s only purpose is to steal and to destroy. (John 10) So naturally, his goal is to get us to think thoughts of destruction, of others and self. That is the ultimate place where bitterness leads.
Jesus said “if ye abide in Me and My Words abide in you ye shall ask what ye will and it shall be done unto you” If we love His Words, we will read them, absorb them, meditate on them and they will bring to us life, not destruction!

Then we can ask the Lord to deliver us from depressing thoughts, and He will do it, because He is the King! He is the King and we are the subjects and citizens of His kingdom! The Word of a king cannot be altered by anyone, not even the king. I know from experience that this process works better than any kind of therapy or psychology!

King David in Psalm One wrote by the Holy Spirit: “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful, but his delight is in the Law of the Lord, and in His Law doth he Meditate day and night!” The Law is God’s precious Word. If we meditate in it day and night we cannot think of the negative things that would cause us to want to hurt and harm others or ourselves. I can’t help but think how different things would have been if Ricky had believed that simple but profound truth, as well as others who suffered and are now suffering needlessly because they would rather live in bitterness and revenge than forgiveness and peace of mind and heart.
Whatever someone had suffered, you cannot blame your present state of mind and depression or bitterness on anyone but your own freewill that causes you to choose to think that way. Bitterness hate and revenge will not bring anyone happiness and joy and peace of mind, only unhappiness, depression, death and destruction, because of the thought pattern one chooses to follow. Proverbs says, “As a man thinketh in his heart so is he”
As you think in your heart, that is what you will become like and there is no avoiding it.
So my best wishes go out to the young missionaries in The Family International who have chosen of their own free will to live the life of a missionary on the field of their choice.

It Wasn’t Like That

Dan — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 19:25:58 +0000

By Dan, 25
February 13, 2007

A friend recently pointed me to the transcript of a TV talk show on The Family. They thought I’d be interested to see the comments made by Davida about her life and childhood in WS–probably because I shared the same lifestyle to a certain extent. My parents were WS workers when I was born, and I’ve grown up in WS, received my education in WS, and eventually found my vocation in WS where I continue to work as a project manager with our internet/software department. I also met my wife in WS, and we’re raising our two children here. It’s safe to say that I’ve lived a pretty WS-centric life.

On this TV show–“Montel Williams”–Davida talks a lot about the various abuses prevalent in her childhood, especially sexual, and generally how traumatizing and scarring her years in WS were. I didn’t catch this show when it was aired, but I think my friend that emailed me this transcript was curious to see my reaction, being that I’m one of the only people they knew that grew up in WS who is still living and working here.

Contrary to what they might have thought though, I didn’t have much of a reaction at all. If anything I feel kind of numb because I think a certain apathy has grown in my mind concerning this kind of input about our group. I only lived with Davida for a short time in the Philippines, but we were both “WS kids” and we knew a lot of the same people (I lived with her mom intermittently over the years, and her dad was my 4th-7th grade science and history teacher). There’s only so many times you can hear your childhood, and a lot of the people you grew up with, described so differently than you remember it before it just goes beyond surreal and you don’t really know what to say anymore. That’s where I’m at right now.

I had a wonderful, abuse-free childhood in WS. I felt loved, I was well educated, I was treated kindly, I was given opportunities, I had friends and fun… everything was really good. I’m happy and have no complaints. So of course I don’t relate even a little bit to the sort of comments shared on this TV show. I feel like I’m standing outdoors with someone who insists the sky is green and the grass is blue. I look up and it seems blue to me, and I look down and again it seems pretty green, so what do we really have to say to each other? It’s not even like we’re talking about shades of blue here, or shades of opinion in regards to our WS childhoods, but a complete polar opposite.

All I can say is that it wasn’t like that for me. And although I’m not especially concerned with what Montel Williams or his viewers think of me/The Family, it is a shame that only those with a very negative mindset and awful memories, real or imagined, make for “good TV.” I can see how I’d be a bit of a boring interview with my fairly placid remembrances of swimming and tag, schoolwork and Bible Study, but that doesn’t make it any less true. That’s what I experienced and that to me is what WS stood for—which was no different from what WS leadership advocated and instructed the rest of The Family in. My parents and those that cared for me weren’t saying one thing but doing another. They told The Family to take good care of their kids, and that’s what they did for me too. But it seems a minority feels differently, and they’re the ones getting all the airtime.

So although this won’t ever get a TV viewership, I don’t mind going on record here to say that I had a wonderful time as a kid, and that I was cared for by good people that loved me and gave me a lot of opportunity to succeed in life. And I feel like I have succeeded because I’m doing a job that I love for a cause that is worthwhile, and most of all, I’m really happy. I have a good life. I’m truly sorry for those that aren’t happy and that see their past so differently, but at the same time we can’t let those people paint our organization of today, or even our past, with only their colors. It just wasn’t like that.

Responding with the truth

Dan — Tue, 21 Feb 2006 16:45:41 +0000

From Perla Wells to Houston Press:

Shame on you, part two: When I read this last article about “Family Ties,” I felt angry and voiceless. I’m a second-generation Family member, and I work as a volunteer missionary in Eastern Europe and teach courses about the Bible and active Christianity for no reason other than “The love of Christ constrains me.” And I am personally very proud of my profession as a full-time volunteer missionary for Jesus in the Family. I gave up a lot to do it, and it’s probably the best choice I ever made.

By your comments, you make it sound like I (not some faceless entity, but I and others like me) am some dumb, robotic idiot who brainlessly follows orders. If you knew me, you’d know how impossible that is.

I’m in the Family not because my parents raised me this way but because I personally made a choice to serve Jesus full-time when I was 17, and I found the Family to be the best place to do so. I take exception to the very biased and unfair representation of the Family by people whose only goal appears to be to tear down, vilify and lie about one of the most active and dedicated missionary outfits in the world.

Have you ever lived in a Family home? Have you read all of our literature with an unbiased mind? Have you visited our Web site, the Web site of contented and happy second-generation Family members? If not, what are you afraid of, the truth? (Visit Myconclusion.com.) The Family has been vindicated in courtrooms around the world and never found guilty; hundreds of children were examined by certified professionals and found free of every type of abuse. Can you say the same for society at large?

Have you done your research, or are you just picking on a small, defenseless religious group and sensationalizing its past to raise the sales of your newspapers, and basing all of this on the tales of a few disgruntled and bitter ex-members?

I second the opinion of the “Shame on you” letter [November 24]. Speak the truth for once. Your last article definitely didn’t. To see more literature from the Family and the reason why I’m personally a very happy and committed member, and also to see for yourself why so many attack and vilify us, visit www.thefamily.org.

“For all that live Godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution!” — 2nd Timothy 3:12 (King James Version)

A proud second-generation member of the Family International,

Perla Wells
Houston

From Deborah Forsberg

Dan — Mon, 10 Oct 2005 12:38:50 +0000

My name is Deborah Forsberg. I’m 28 & have been raised in the Family International. I don’t feel that I have in any way been sheltered or abused by the Family. I had a very good childhood, one that I know many of my counterparts that didn’t grow up in the Family envy. I got to travel the world, had lots of friends & so many fun & exciting experiences, awesome caring parents who did everything within their power to meet my needs & those of my siblings (& they weren’t in a position of authority). I got good training in every aspect of life from cooking to teaching & childcare to scholastics, Bible & Word studies to witnessing & telling others of the Lord’s love, I experienced bringing relief to those in need by distributing humanitarian aid in poor countries & much more. My parents & the Family taught & encouraged me to be responsible, to love the Lord & my neighbor as myself, which are the key ingredients to a happy & successful life.

I was sad to see China’s sob story & can’t help but wonder what happened to her since I last saw her at the end of 1999 when we were in Indonesia. She was living in Bali in a home with a bunch of other young people. We visited them & had lots of fun hanging out with them. They had a nice house & there were a few teenagers who had come from the States & other places to stay with them for awhile to get some experience on a mission field. I thought they had a really cool thing going & it didn’t seem to me like anyone there was unhappy or sheltered, to the contrary, they were doing all kinds of fun things, things that so many people here in the US dream about—fun beach trips on a tropical island, surfing in Bali, snorkeling on tropical reefs, meeting all kinds of different people. It didn’t seem that they had anyone over them pushing them or making them “perform”.

China also came over to our place in Jakarta to choreograph the dance routine for our show troupe of professional dancers. We were putting together an anti-narcotics program using music & dance & the plan was to perform in schools across the country. China is excellent at what she does, how did she become so good at that if she was so sheltered & given no opportunity?

Even though I didn’t know China for very long, I really hit it off well with her, she was such a cool person. She was always so happy, bubbly, uplifting and usually the life of the party. I never would have guessed that she had such a terrible childhood & life.

It’s upsetting to me that so many of the posts on this bulletin (on Dr. Phil’s site) are mocking & condescending. I’m sure that a lot, if not most of us who are members of the Family International are not personal acquaintances of those of you who are slandering us. How can you judge someone personally, their actions & decisions, without really knowing them & how can you be so disrespectful of them as a person without even knowing what they’re like or what they have really experienced. Obviously not everyone has been abused or has felt controlled or whatever you’re complaining about. Many are going by hearsay & those of you who say you’ve had all these terrible experiences, I wonder, how truthful or exaggerative are you being? And even if you really aren’t being exaggerative, just because you had it rough wherever you were doesn’t necessarily mean that everyone else did. So many broad statements are made by our apostates that really paint an inaccurate picture of way things really are or have been for the majority of those who have grown up in the Family International. No one judges the rest of society by one bad area of town!!? To judge the whole group of individual people on some bad things that happened to a few people ( & there have been consequences for the guilty & apologies made for those affected) & accuse us now of all these terrible things, to vilify & make life difficult for us & affect the good that we are doing by slandering us, is wrong & very unchristian!