My name is Pawel Rogala. I was born in 1989 in Wroclaw, Poland, where my parents were working in a mission home as part of the Family International. In 1993 my family moved to Russia to continue their work there. Those were wonderful years and I believe that the love I received, and the joy of bringing Jesus’ love to others is something I could have never received anywhere but in the Family. I have recently moved to the Ukraine where we continue to minister to the poor and bring God’s love to the people.

I met Ricky in our mission home in St. Petersburg, Russia, and I remember him as a kind, fun person. He would play with us children and read us stories in the evenings. The news of the brutal death of Angela Smith and the subsequent suicide of Mr. Rodriguez was a shock to me. How could a person who seemed so kind change so drastically and commit such a terrible deed? The more I thought about it, it seemed I could come to only one conclusion. Richard Rodriguez and Angela Smith were victims of hate!!! Our apostates had fed Ricky with so much negative input and hate that he scarcely knew what was right anymore, and finally this hate took control of him resulting in the death of Angela.

Never in all my years in the Family have I ever seen even the slightest hint of abuse. I’m sorry if any of our former members had anything bad happen to them in the Family, but why does it appear that those former members seemed to see things that no one in the Family has ever seen? Could it be the influence of the same negative input and hate that had taken control of Mr. Rodriguez?

To those who continue in their quest to bring down the Family I would suggest they take heed to the words of Gamaliel when he said: Refrain from these men, and let them alone: for if this counsel or if this work be of men it will come to nought; But if it be of God, ye cannot overthrow it: lest haply ye be found even to fight against God. (Acts 5:38, 39)

I’m Nina Moore, a 29 year old mother of three and a member of the Family International. I home school my children. They have school five days a week. As a mother I am very concerned about every aspect of their lives, emotional, educational, spiritual and social. My whole life revolves around my children. I spend hours planning their school. I have almost no time to myself, as my children are my life. I have organized a Kids Club where, once a week all my friends with children get together and have Bible studies, games, activities, sports and more. My children are part of the local community soccer league. They have a lot of friends, birthday and dress up parties and do all the normal things kids enjoy doing. I am on the Childcare and Parenting board in the Family where we have board meetings to discuss how we can meet the needs of our children.

My eldest daughter, who is eight years old doesn’t even know what “sex” is. She thinks you get pregnant by getting married. She wants to know how babies are born but I tell her that when she’s older I’ll explain it to her. She is probably more innocent than most eight year olds that go to public school when it comes to sex, and most other things. She doesn’t dress like Britney Spears—she doesn’t even know who Britney is. I’d like to keep it that way. I don’t approve of the way society is growing up our little girls, too fast for me.

Growing up in the Family, I have to admit that our parents were a lot freer sexually than I am. But they never abused me, ever. I did get abused one time in the Family and this is what happened: When I was around 8 years old, I went over for a sleepover to one of my friend’s homes. Her father was a single dad. He wanted us to sleep with him so we did. I did get sexually abused that night. The next morning when I went home I told my mom right away. She freaked out and told Family leadership in our area. The abuser was excommunicated right away, and my mother never let me have a sleepover again! All my life I was a little bitter about the fact that I couldn’t have sleepovers, but now, as a mother, I understand, and if it were me I might have done the same thing. That was the only time I got abused. It didn’t damage me mentally, I’m fine. At the time I thought it was a bit weird, but that was it.

OK, so our parents were discovering their “sexuality,” and yes we did “catch them in the act” once in awhile, and we did see “naked” people. They were young, crazy hippies and had no earthly idea how to raise children. But never once was I tortured, or forced to have sex with some older man, ever! Maybe it did happen in some places, I have some friends who have told me their stories about what happened to them. But it was never the Family condoning it. The offenders were always caught and excommunicated when leadership found out.

I’m not going to say that the Family is perfect, and there are things that I maybe don’t agree with or things I would have done differently, but nothing to the extreme that “Davidito” (Ricky Rodriguez) was talking about. Maybe I’m just naive and innocent but I also grew up in the Family, I’ve been here for 29 years, I’ve been in some of the “communes” these ex-members grew up in, and it seems to me that they mix a lot of fiction with a little truth. I personally don’t understand why they would exaggerate so much and make it all sound so horrible, to the point of wanting to kill and murder. It seems so unreal to me, I can’t believe it even happened. The only thing I can think of is that “hatred leads to the dark side.” I just don’t understand. Angela was my friend; there was NOTHING sinister or evil about her. If anyone would get to know her they would think her a saint, she was one of the sweetest, most sacrificial, humble people I knew.

Although I do think there were mistakes made in the Family when I was growing up. There was also a lot of good. I wish I would have had more schooling, but when I think about it, I’m thankful for all the training I’ve received in how to be a good mother and teach my children, I’ve got a head start on most moms. I have a very good work ethic and am very organized and efficient. I have more friends than most people. When you grow up in the Family everyone is your friend and you feel a special bond with them and you can trust them, you know they’re not going to be some weird psycho. It’s almost like they’re all your brothers and sisters. I have a very good connection with the Lord, and my marriage is founded on the Lord and his Word. My husband has very good character, strong convictions for God and knows the Bible and loves God and I trust him completely. I believe I owe that to the Family.

There was some bad in the Family back in the day, and you can dwell on it if you want to, but there was also a lot of good. Look at all the good the Family has done. If you want to read about it there is no end to articles and testimonies of all the things the Family has done to help society around the world.

For the record, I would like to say that, there is absolutely no abuse in the Family right now, nor has there been for 20-some years. We have strict rules in place to make sure of that. Most of us “second generation” are conservative to the opposite extreme of our parents. We were never hippies and many of us are actually quite “straight laced” compared to them. We do have some rather shocking religious beliefs, and some of them are even hard for me to swallow. But this is America, where, as long as it’s not harmful to anyone, we’re free to believe what we want to believe even if it’s different from the norm.

I am a very simple, trusting person. My husband is more cynical, he says I’m way too naive. But I believe everyone has a good heart and wants to do the right thing. I’ve never met a bad person, people make mistakes and they do bad things for what they think are good causes, but I don’t know anymore. I don’t understand how people can do such horrible things. Does hatred and bitterness distort your view?? If you stray so far from God, do you turn to the Devil?? Do these ex-members really feel they are doing God a service?? Have they dwelt so much on the negative that they’ve lost their perspective on what it was really like growing up in the Family?? Anyone that knows us knows we’re just normal people who love and want to serve God. We’re not weird, we might be a bit odd or different but I think that’s OK. We’re not required to be like everyone else, it’s ok to believe what we choose even if it’s a bit different as long as it’s not harmful.

Well, these are my thoughts and feelings. I’m not an eloquent writer, but I write from my heart…

Nina Moore

I met Angela Joy about six years ago. We called her Joy. Such an appropriate name for her. She was a joy to be around. She was undoubtedly one of the most unique people I had ever met. She was a ray of sunshine in our lives. When we had little hope, Joy gave us hope. When we had little faith, Joy gave us faith. With her optimism, and her sweet spirit, anything seemed possible. When she came to visit, the whole atmosphere became charged with her love. With her hugs and “I love you” and her willingness to do whatever was in her power to help and comfort, she transformed our home into a haven of peace and goodwill. The change was so remarkable that we commented on it time and time again. When she would leave, it was like a spark had burned out and only rekindled again when she returned.

I will give you a little background on myself, so you can understand why it is so important that you know why I feel as strongly as I do.

I was raised in a Christian home with three children. My folks were very godly people, and still are, and I have enormous respect for them. As the middle of three girls, I felt I was ganged up on by the other two. We certainly had our battles, and must have made life quite miserable for our parents. At times I was sure I hated my folks for the life they had brought me into, and if I had been able to, I would most assuredly have posted my dissatisfaction on the web. I felt that I couldn’t be like other kids, since I was expected to always set a good example. So I rebelled by doing anything I could to let them know how unhappy I was with my lot. My parents of course really loved us, and only wanted the best for us; they didn’t have any intention of hurting me. But because they were very religious, and they wanted to do their best to raise me in a protective environment, they were more strict than other parents, and so my natural tendency was to just rebel, as do many children against their parents.

When my sister joined the Children of God in the late 60’s I was very bitter toward her. She was my parents’ pride and joy. She had so much going for her. She had a good job, a college scholarship, and brains. Everything I didn’t have, and I was envious. And at the same time, I knew she was breaking my parents’ hearts. My mother cried for days. At the time I don’t think I was really aware of how much it affected them. I was actually happy I didn’t have to put up with her anymore.

Now I realize why she did what she did. She went to church every Sunday and to prayer meeting every Wednesday, but she wanted to do so much more. She wanted to spread the Gospel to people who would not go to a church building to worship.

It was thirty years until I would see my sister again. She had sent her two children to visit their grandparents about 3 years earlier. I will never forget how they called their mother a “saint”. You could tell that they both loved her dearly. I couldn’t quite imagine her to be a saint, but when I met her again after 30 years, all the bitterness I had against her when I was a teenager suddenly vanished and I understood why her children felt the way they did.

I didn’t know Ricky well, I just saw him for a few minutes, three or four times. But I liked him. He seemed sweet and generous. The people that knew him said he was a warm, kind, loving person. Where did that come from? Are we just born that way, or is it a result of our upbringing? Ricky had to get his gentle nature from somewhere. I know it came from his Family teachings. I have to wonder what happened to Ricky in those years after he first came to visit us. He would have been about 20 at the time. Why then 9 years later did he hate his mother so much? He didn’t leave the Family for another 5 years. That would have made him around 24 or 25.

I remember that, when I saw him a couple years after he left the Family and came to visit his grandparents, he was angry he hadn’t gotten the education that he wanted. From what I’ve seen and heard from Family members, I feel that if I had the opportunities that their children had, my own life would have been quite different. Home schooling in the Family doesn’t mean just giving them reading material then go off to work and hope they study while you’re gone. They work hands on with the children; and from what I’ve seen they have some of the smartest kids you’ll ever find.

For example, second generation Family members Darren and Clair and their children (third generation) came to visit and put on a program for our residents. They were amazingly talented, and so well behaved. One resident said that she had never seen such smart children, and she has a couple great grandchildren. So I have a hard time believing kids in the Family don’t get a proper education. I doubt very much that most of the children in the “real world” get anything to compare to it.

I am still in shock and disbelief how this happened. How could anyone in their right mind viciously wipe out such a beautiful life? But we know that Ricky was not in his right mind. His mind was filled with anger and hate. Hate which was applauded, encouraged and fed by other hateful people. He renounced the Lord and started associating himself with people who were bent on destroying the Family. Hate breeds hate. This wasn’t a crime of passion, this was a premeditated murder. Ricky had a choice. Ricky is not a victim, he is not a hero. Ricky is a murderer. I do not hate Ricky for what he did. I feel very, very sad that he was so angry and filled with hate. Those last hours in his life must have been hell. I cry for him. He was part of my family.

I am not disputing the fact that the Family made some mistakes early on. They are the first to admit it and change it. Haven’t we all made mistakes in our lives? I know I have, The Family has done so much good around the world, doing charity work and bringing millions of people to Jesus. Joy was involved in many of those very worthy causes. “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone” (John 8:7).

Joy made us better people just by knowing her. We are grateful and blessed that we were able to have her with us if only for a short time. We grieve for her. But we know that she is happy and still hugging and saying “I love you” to everyone.

Jeannie Zerby Deyo

First off I’d like so say hats off to all of you fellow young people in the Family speaking out on this site. It’s been great reading the opinions and statements that so many of you have written concerning the recent tragic events. I am very proud to be associated with every single one of you and am also prouder than ever to be in a Family that has as much fighting spirit and resolve as I have witnessed over the past weeks.

Wash us away? Keep dreaming!

And to those sick minds so intent on twisting and distorting this situation to their own advantage in trying to destroy what so many of us love and sacrifice everything for on a daily basis I’ll jot down a thing or two as well. On the subject of child-abuse, I’ll have to say, along with many other young people that were born into the Family International, – I have neither suffered nor seen any abuse of any kind. I was born into and grew up in the Family and all I ever remember of my early childhood was heaps of love both from my parents and from my teachers.

Abuse? No sign of it whatsoever! It is still shocking to me that we have to deal with such outright lies and blanket statements as some of our former members are throwing at us. Even if I wasn’t around when these people state that they’ve been abused, and they’re supposedly not directing they’re offences at me, I sure as anything take offence. Just the suggestion that I am giving all my time, attention, and resources to an organization that indulges in, sanctifies, and encourages sexual abuse with minors is outrageously insulting! If I am dedicating my life to this organization and what it stands for to be able to reach the goals that I’ve committed myself to reaching, how sure do you think I should be of what I’m doing? In context, how sure would you want to be of something you sacrifice all your time and energy on? Wouldn’t you want to be 100% sure that the efforts you are putting into your project would be worth the time spent on it, not a waste of it, or even worse, accomplishing the exact opposite of what you planned to do? I sure would want to be that sure! And you know what? I am! If there was even the slightest evidence whatsoever that children are being abused in the Family and that we young people are truly being ‘brainwashed’ and any other ridiculous accusations of the sort for that matter, the being 100% sure factor would naturally disappear quite quickly.

My goal is to serve the Lord, to live the life of a true disciple of Jesus Christ, to share my faith with others by preaching the Gospel to all creatures and being a genuine help to those less privileged than I am. And I am 100% sure that the Family is the best place for me to accomplish this. I am sure that mistakes have been made in the past and people were hurt, but it seems simply moronic to judge the Family and what it stands for by these individual cases which are by far a minority and have already been condemned and apologized for by Family leadership on numerous occasions. So for goodness sake get over it already! Quit wasting your time trying to destroy the happy and fulfilled lives we live in our service for the Lord inside the Family. If this lifestyle isn’t for you, then get on with your life. Live and let live. Why not be happy for those of us in this world who has found true meaning to life, a reason for living.

As for mistakes, who of us hasn’t made some in his/her lifetime? Doesn’t make it right, sure. But no one’s perfect. I sure have made plenty of blunders for which I’m sorry for and have been on the receiving end of some as well, as I’m pretty sure everyone has. But don’t let it ruin you. Get over it and be stronger for it.

I met Ricky a while back when he was passing through Ukraine. He stayed with us for a few days and he always seemed very friendly and helpful. I remember him helping to fix all of our broken bicycles one day and having some sports time with us boys. Very far from the psycho killer he turned out to be. In my opinion it just shows how someone can change from being around the wrong kind of people too long and entertaining bitter and violent thoughts too often. I personally know a lot of former members who are still very favourable towards the Family. In fact, most of my relatives (including my parents) and some of my best friends aren’t in the Family today. But still they’ve accepted my decision to keep serving God full-time, and even respect me for it. So why don’t you try to as well?

Name: Cheryl Maria Stevens
Age: 21
Location: Ukraine

Before I begin I just want to say “hear hear” to all the wonderful, dedicated & beautiful people who posted on this site. You are an inspiration to me & I love you.

Like so many others, I was entirely shocked that something like this murder/suicide was even thinkable by someone who had grown up in the most loving, caring & beautiful atmosphere that I believe exists on our war-torn, crime-wracked planet. Sure I’d seen some violence in movies or on the news, it’s nearly impossible not to in our day & age, but I’d never heard of something so close to home.

I met Ricky briefly when he was traveling around the former CIS & he passed through our home. He always seemed to be smiling & I remember him singing for us a song that he’d written about “serve one another in love.” Later I heard about his decision to leave the Family & I was mildly surprised, but to hear this devastating news of the manner of his death… I’m speechless! It shows to me the gravity of letting your thoughts be overtaken by negativity & malice!

I was given the privilege of being born & raised in the Family International, and as part of my life of faith I’ve not only lived in over 10 countries (aside from other extensive travels), learned to speak 2 languages well aside from my native English, plus basic communication in another 3 or 4 languages. These are just a few of the many terrific benefits of our lifestyle & upbringing. The trust, confidence, love, faith & sense of belonging are things I would not trade for the most “envied” lives of the richest people in the World.

I was given the opportunity to cultivate my musical & vocational interests &, best of all, to use my talents to help & encourage others & to find the satisfaction of helping change someone’s life for the better. I had a childhood full of the love & well-balanced attention that every child craves, not only from my parents but from the many teachers I studied under. While as a child one may criticize little faults & misunderstandings that inevitably occur, looking back now I can only say THANK GOD for such caring, devoted and talented teachers! I truly am richly blessed!

I’ve heard these rumors about rampant child abuse & other such nonsense. Well sure, in any institution a child is bound to get an occasional unfair spanking or extra chore, but GET REAL, why ever would one want their mishaps to govern their thoughts & actions for the rest of their life? It breaks my heart to know that some cannot let go of that kind of hate, but all I can do is pray for them & move on with my life.—Which, I might add, is TERRIFIC!

I’m still a proud full-time member of the Family International, on my chosen field of Ukraine. I have an incredible & multi-talented family of 7 siblings, & we’re still as close as ever even though 3 of my siblings have chosen different paths. I find it perfectly acceptable for someone to decide that our life of faith & constant pouring out is no longer for them & they’d like to do something else. I greatly respect my sister & 2 brothers for their choices & I love them to pieces for respecting mine. I wish all former members were just like them—& I’m glad that a vast percentage of them are equally as positive & successful in their “life after” & many of them continue to be wonderful people & a positive influence on the world around them.

I’m honored and excited to be a part of the Family International, & those who try to slander us will find that we’re much like the little cork who fell into the path of a whale who lashed it down with his angry tail. But in spite of it’s blows it quickly arose & floated serenely before his nose, said the cork to the whale: “You may splash, sputter & frown, but you never, never will keep me down, for I am made of the stuff that is buoyant enough to float instead of drown.”

So CNN can say what bunk they may & host any farm boy smoking his hay, but this work is of God & no amount of their fraud will ever prevail in this fray.

Cheryl Maria Stevens is a second-generation member of the Family International