By Leila E., 28 years old, second-generation member of the Family International.

I think every parent, when they have their first child, looks back on the way they were raised, and they make decisions regarding how they will apply what they’ve gone through in their own life to how they will raise their child. You look at the happy times, the fun times, you look at the experiences you remember as pleasant, even the things that weren’t so fun, but were necessary in making you who you are today, and you want to bring those things to life in your own child. You also look at the things that hurt you, things you disliked and you swear you’ll never let those things happen to your child.

In the Family today, I would venture to say that close to 80% of the children are third generation children. They are our children, those of us who were raised in the Family, and who were the “victims” of a lot of what the Family has been accused of for the last 20 or 30 years. What I’d like to know is why our detractors are still harping on the same issues, when we’ve all grown up. We’re adults now, and so, no, we don’t need to be rescued. We have children now, and we intend on raising those children as best as we possibly can.

When I had my first child, five years ago, I, like other parents, took a look at how I was raised, what went right in my life and what went wrong. There were so many things that went right in my life as a child growing up in the Family. We traveled, met people, learned so many things, lived and experienced things that very few kids have a chance to experience. I want to give that to my children. I want to raise them in the Family, so they can have the same opportunities I had, and more.

I also had an excellent mother, one who, if I can come even close to raising my kids the way she raised us, I will be very happy. She lived selflessly for us, poured everything into us, and was very protective of us. But in spite of all the good, there were of course things that I wish had happened differently to me as a child.

For instance, although I had very well-rounded training and experience in many educational areas while growing up, I personally wish I had gotten a better scholastic education, and so I’m doing all in my power to ensure that my kids receive a good and complete education.

I also experienced things growing up that probably shouldn’t have happened, or that could have been called abuse. I wish they didn’t happen, but I don’t blame anyone except for the individuals who were responsible for them, and who were excommunicated from the Family for what they did. I’ve sworn to do all in my power to protect my own children from letting anything like that happen to them, and if I felt that there was a chance of any of my children getting mistreated, I would be out of here like a flash of lightning, believe me. I’m not one to sit by idly and let anyone do to my children what I don’t think is right. I’m very involved in their lives, scholastics, discipline and training to ensure that they grow up happy, secure and with all their needs met.

When I was growing up I had a lot of fear. I don’t think I realized this until I became an adult and realized with a great sigh of relief that I didn’t need to be afraid anymore. I was terrified of the police and of us being taken away from our parents. I would stay awake at night in fear of pre-dawn raids on our home and of masked gunmen storming in and taking us away. Thankfully that never happened to me. It did happen to some of my friends though. Many of the children in the Family experienced very frightening raids, and it was a very real and ever present threat to all of us. Thankfully, the Family was vindicated in each case, and all the children were subsequently returned to their parents. But I want to protect my children from that kind of fear.

Currently, both my sons are obsessed with wanting to be policemen, and their stuffed dogs are police dogs. They’re excited to see a police car whenever we go out, and it makes me happy as a parent to know that they’re protected from the kinds of fears that I experienced while growing up.

It would break my heart to see my children go through needless trauma, which has the potential to scar them for life, only to be returned immediately afterwards because there was no evidence of abuse. My kids are happy, well adjusted, loving, intelligent, educated children who have never even come near anything that could be considered abusive.

What I want to say to all those who seek to rescue our children from us and who are convinced that all children in the Family are abused and mistreated is, give us a chance. Give us a chance to raise our children right, to give to our children what we’ve always wanted. We are doing the best we can, and believe me, that’s much better then any institution or foster home could ever hope to do. Sure you have issues with the way you were raised, but who doesn’t? Why not give us a little credit along with all those abuse stories to try to do it right by our own children.

I feel sorry for you if you feel like you were mistreated, or that your life was screwed up forever by something you experienced as a child. But bringing trauma, heartache and pain to hundreds of the Family’s children is not going to bring closure to your own pain. If you need help to relieve you of the bitterness you feel about your past or the past of others you know, seek out the help of a professional, and try to go about things in a logical, reasonable manner that would actually help, instead of harm and hinder others.

There are many ex-Family members who have moved on and who are living happy, fulfilled lives, including my sister and many others whom I have known, and these I consider very dear friends. I do pray for those of you who haven’t moved on, that you can find peace and meaning to your lives without seeking vengeance and the hurt of others.

Why not support us and our endeavors to give our children the best lives possible? We, like you, were raised in the Family. We’ve been through the same things, and we want to raise our kids free of any of the negative things that we went through, so why not let us try? You who say that you’re our brothers and sisters, our friends, and that you want to rescue us from the Family, I ask you, if you are our friends and our brothers and sisters, why would you want to hurt us and our families? Why would you want to take our children away? Why do you threaten to kill us? Why do you condone the violent murder of a dear friend of ours? Because you, our detractors, are some of our brothers and sisters, we do love you. I love you. But I can’t say you are my friend if you are trying to hurt my children.

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 12th, 2005 and is filed under Speaking Out, By Age, Where From, 25 to 35, Archived, Unspecified. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.