From Marianne Cutting, 21, second-generation member of the Family

The ironic hug that followed, coupled with the rhetorical words, “This hurts me more than it hurts you,” had made me angry and stiff as a board. “If they expect me to believe that, they obviously have never felt the fly swatter.”

Ok, so I was naughty, I got spanked, I got silence restriction, constructive get out, K.P. [kitchen patrol], missed movies, and scribbled tedious writing assignments.

But whenever I think back on my childhood, these things are hardly memorable, and at the most something I laugh at or am proud of.

Am I weird? Possibly.

I am, after all, in a supposed sex cult. Good thing too. This way my mediocre childhood hardships will afford me extraordinary sympathy, should I eventually choose to leave the Family.

Maybe the reason I got through my “rough” child hood, was that I was a strong stubborn kid, and perhaps a weaker character would have been scarred for life.
Or maybe–& I hate to admit it–it just wasn’t THAT bad.

Sure no one likes being punished. I have to admit that, upon waking, spankings weren’t up there on my “Yippee list” with get-outs & snack time, like the ever-present desire for movie night was.

But I like what it’s made me.

Ok, so you heard about the stringency from every available, eager source; you’ve heard of the sexual abuse (something I never experienced nor saw happen during my 21 years in the Family).

These few and far-between instances that have made a handful of people so bitter and unable to let go, have swamped the news, and colored people’s views of The Family.

When I watch the news, should I be scared shitless? All you hear about is rape, war, drug abuse, murder, husbands beating wives, battered children, homeless families, and a general lack of hope.

Now, does that mean that that’s all there is out there?
Does it mean that my friends who leave and have left the Family have no chance of living a good life, one where they will be satisfied, happy, fulfilled & able to make and reach goals?

No.

The bad of this world, the mistakes people make, the hurt that’s been caused (either intentionally or unintentionally), is only a small (however widely broadcasted) part of life.

Although the amount of evil that happens is so much smaller in the Family in percentage than anywhere else, (and in fact is now non existent) it is still one of the few actions of ours that makes the news.

I want to tell you about a few of the good things I’ve lived–the great things.

I’ve lived, or passed through 24 countries.

I’ve tried to learn at least 6 languages.

I’ve been in dance troops that as a kid made my life the most exciting thing.

I sang on the biggest aircraft carrier in the world.

I have witnessed to the most interesting people, and have gotten souls saved, achieving my goal to be a missionary at a young age.

When I was 16 I decided to be in the Family with my whole heart, at 18 I renewed that pledge.

I have had holidays, (like normal kids).

I have been on amazing excursions.

I have been given the opportunity to learn many things and have had a wide vocation.

I enjoy my free time, relationships and sex the way all young people do.

I chose what I do with my life, and I chose to spend the time I’ve been given doing something that I feel will make a difference.

When I go to bed at night I know I won’t wake up and catch the same train to the same job. I’m excited about what the day holds.

I’m normal. …I’m better than normal.
And if abuse gets such good results … then it should be in the scholastic plan of all children.

I am not perfect, and I am not satisfied.

I know I will never be perfect, and perfection isn’t what I’m looking for.

But I will continue to strive to be the best woman I can be, and do the most I can for the cause I love.

Life won’t always be a bed of roses, and when it isn’t, I have someone to go to, and I don’t have to pay to sit on their couch.

I conclude, life is what you make it, not what someone tells you it should be.

Make it worth being proud of and don’t waste the precious moment life is being bitter.

Marianne Cutting

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 12th, 2005 and is filed under Speaking Out, By Age, Where From, 18 to 24, Archived, Unspecified. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.